


Baby, You Rock My World

by captaindestiel1



Series: Destiel multi-chapter AU stories [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dark, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Fame, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Musician Dean Winchester, Pain, Power Bottom Castiel, Punk Dean, Recovery, Regret, Reporter Castiel, Rock Star Dean, Rock Stars, Shower Sex, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captaindestiel1/pseuds/captaindestiel1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is an up and coming rock star. Castiel is a reporter who hates his job. Hoping to have an easy day at work and a relaxing weekend, Castiel finds out that won't happen. Dean Winchester turns out to be a pretentious, snobbish, beautiful man that Castiel can't stand, unfortunately with Dean being his assignment, he has to put up with him.</p><p>*formerly named rock stars and reporters*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. God he hated loud places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys please understand i am going through editing hell right now. i am fully aware of the editing problems so please give me two seconds to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is back! And I have a beta now! Blackdog9314.

__

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Ugh." Castiel slammed his hand on the alarm clock. He raised his hand, the gleaming sun through the window burned his eyes. He was never a morning person, at least not until he had his coffee.

After stretching his arms out, he resigned himself as he got out of the bed. Once he was dressed and finally made his coffee he headed out the door to work. He was a reporter. Which meant he went to bed late and rose early. Permanent bags rested under his bright blue eyes. Traffic was at a standstill, there was no way he was going to get to work on time.

"Ugh you have to be kidding me." Castiel's old Cadillac sputtered in agreement. He arrived at work a full fifteen minutes late.

"Good morning Castiel!" Hannah, the receptionist, waved to him as he ran to the elevator, almost spilling his coffee.

"Hi Hannah." he rushed into the crowded elevator. Finally making it to his small cubicle, he clocked in and sighed as he collapsed into his chair.

"Good morning Cas." His neighbor Balthazar peered over his own cubicle. Balthazar was a little older than him, striking blue eyes shined under dirty blonde hair. Balthazar was fairly handsome, taking home girls half his age almost every weekend.

"So Cassy. You look tired." Balthazar grinned. "Busy with boy toys all night?"

Cas glared "Shut up Balthazar."

Balthazar knew Cas was gay. He didnt care but he liked to tease and flirt with him because of it. Cas was pretty sure the entire office thought him and Balthazar were sleeping together. He didnt have any feelings for Balthazar, he found him slightly attractive but that was the extent of it. They were more best friends than anything.

"You should listen to this new musician this chick got me into last weekend." Balthazar held his Ipod out to his neighbor.

Sighing, Cas took the Ipod and stuck one headphone in his ear. A guitar solo started slow then sped up. It was rock, not generally his style. Suddenly a voice picked up. It was a guy and damn it was beautiful. His voice carried, hanging on every note, a deep voice reverberating through the headphone.

"His name's Dean Winchester." Balthazar commented. "He's pretty gorgeous too, dudes aren't generally my style but I'd bang him."

Cas rolled his eyes, handing the Ipod back to Balthazar. Taking the hint, Balthazar went back to his seat and Cas began to type, trying to focus on work. The guy's voice was beautiful, but Balthazar must be exaggerating about his appearance. He was the kind of person who would screw anything that walked.

He opened his email, there was an unopened email from his boss Naomi

_"Castiel i need you to come to my office immediately."_

He sighed "Christ, what have I done now?"

His boss had never liked him. She was a very curt, get the job done kind of person. Sometimes he swore she was an emotionless robot. Castiel reluctantly rose from his desk and made his way to his boss's office. Naomi was sitting at her desk, scribbling away. Cas entered the office and sat in the chair in front of her. A few minutes passed before she finally acknowledged his presence.

"Hello Castiel." Naomi stopped scribbling. Cas thought he heard anger in her voice, then again she always sounded angry. "I have an assignment for you."

Cas looked up in surprise. "Assignment?" he thought he was being punished for something.

"Yes. It's concerning that new musician Dean Winchester." Naomi pushed a file to him. Cas picked it up, casually flipping through it. There was no picture just a few basic details such as his birthday and when his first CD had released.

"He's a new musician and very talented. Which is why we want to get the scoop on him before anyone else does." Naomi commented.

"Why is there no picture? How am i supposed to find this guy?" Cas continued to flip through the file.

"He's a new face, I've heard he is rather attractive but nobody can seem to find a picture of him, at least not a good one."

Cas cocked an eyebrow. "So you want me to get a picture of this guy?" Naomi shook her head.

"No i mainly want you to interview him, if you could get a picture that would be wonderful but I mostly need the interview."

Cas flipped to the last page of the file, there was a ticket, accompanied by a backstage pass.

"That's how your going to get close to him, even with press passes he refuses to see anyone from the press."

Cas picked up the pass, and examined it. It wasn't anything special or decorative, just a basic pass. "When's this concert?" Cas looked up.

"Tonight." Naomi answered. That was extremely short notice, Cas didnt like loud places and he just wanted to relax this weekend. "If that's a problem Castiel i can give the assignment to someone else." Her eyes narrowed. Castiel didnt care for concerts but it would get him out of his cubicle for a while.

"No i'll take the assignment." he stood up, placing the file under his arm.

"Good" Naomi nodded "And Castiel." freezing in mid step, he turned around. "Don't disappoint me." She smiled.

Cas nodded and headed out the door. He sat down at his desk and sighed. He was almost thirty years old, he was too old for concerts. Balthazar peeked over his cubicle again.

"Heard you went to Naomi's office. You in trouble?"

Cas opened the file, then looked up. "I'm to do a report on that musician Dean Winchester."

Balthazar groaned. "Aw lucky you, any chance you can score me some tickets?" Cas rolled his eyes, which was becoming a habit around Balthazar.

"You got a crush on him now Balthazar?" Cas teased.

The blonde man smiled "Maybe Cassy. You jealous?" he grinned.

"No" Cas replied curtly. "How do you even know what he looks like? Naomi told me it was impossible to get a picture of him."

Balthazar nodded. "It is, but the chick i hooked up with last weekend took a selfie with him, like i said hes hot."

Cas sighed "Well i have to go to his concert. _Tonight._ "

Balthazar patted Cas's dark hair. "Good luck Cassy, don't fall in love with him." Balthazar winked before retreating behind the cubicle. Cas sipped his now cold coffee.

"Dammit." he mumbled, he didn't know how he was going to make it through tonight's little research trip.

Work went by unusually fast and before Cas knew it, it was 5:15. "Dammit." he groaned. He was too tired to go tonight but he had to. After arriving at his car, and dropping his keys, twice, he finally headed home to get dressed for tonight. The concert wasn't until seven so he had time to get ready. After getting a shower he couldn't decide what to wear. He didn't want to look like a reporter, apparently reporters freaked the guy out.

Deciding on an old pair of jeans and button up blue shirt. He looked alright he guessed. He shaved and combed his hair before heading out the door. He arrived at the coliseum where the concert was being held. After a good twenty minutes trying to find a parking spot, Cas entered the lobby of the coliseum.

The patrons consisted mostly of giggling women, some accompanied by what Cas assumed were disgruntled boyfriends and husbands. He shoved past a crowd of people to get into the concert hall. The crew was still getting things set up on stage. Cas wasn't exactly short but he couldn't see much over the bustling crowd of fans. With much effort he wedged his way to the front. Finally front row he noticed the crew scattering before the lights in the arena went out.

The crowed screamed, causing Cas's ears to ring. God he hated loud places. The lights flashed back on. The band members stood still in their designated spots. The lead singer, who Cas could only assume was Dean, was holding the mic his head down. He wore a black shirt adorned with a skull and plaid over shirt and jeans. The bassist started to play the crowd cheered. The bassist was tall, with dark shaggy long hair. The singer opened his mouth as he looked up, his voice began to echo throughout the stadium.

 _I come over Quarter past two Love in my eyes blinded by you_  
_Just to get a taste of heaven I'm on my knees_  
_I can't help it I'm addicted But I can't stand the Pain inflicted_  
_In the morning You're not holding on to me_

His voice was entrancing. Cas couldnt help but stare as the singer danced across the stage. Even though the flashing lights on stage made it hard to see, Cas could still see the mans face. Balthazar was right he was very attractive. His light brown hair was spiked and he had a jawline that could kill. Cas couldn't seem to take his eyes off of him the entire concert. Riddled with sweat, the man seemed to have endless stamina as he ran across the stage, reaching his arm out and grazing his fan's hands.

He came to Cas and seemed to linger for an extra moment before moving on to the rest of the fans as he ran across the stage. _"I must of imagined it."_ Cas said to himself, it felt like Dean had lingered a stare on Cas but that couldn't be.

After the concert was over Cas headed backstage, pushing past a group of giggling girls he spotted Dean walking with his bassist. The bassist towered over Dean, he must have been over six feet tall.

"That was a pretty awesome show Dean." The tall man commented.

"Thanks Sammy, I'm worn out though." Dean rolled his shoulders.

A few girls screamed as they passed, security holding them back. Dean winked at the girls, causing one to drop to her knees. Security was so preoccupied with the screaming girls that they didn't notice Cas slip past them. He headed down the hall before spotting a door.

"Dean Winchester." was written on a piece of paper taped to it. Cas slowly opened the door. Dean was at the mirror in just jeans, rubbing a towel on his head.

"Fuck." Cas mumbled quietly. Dean was very fit. Big arms and rippling back muscles flexed as he ran the towel through his hair.

"What do you want Sammy? I told you I was tired" Cas jumped, god his voice was sexy.

 _"Stop it Cas!" He's an assignment. Stop gawking at him like some lovestruck teenager!_  he scolded himself. He wasn't generally this perverted but there was something about this one guy that took him out of his usual calm state. Dean turned around, Cas froze.

"I..um..." Cas stuttered, unsure of what to say. Dean smiled, his eyes were a deep emerald color, they seemed to smolder as he looked at Cas. Why was this guy smiling? There's some strange guy in his dressing room and he just smiles at him?

"Oh you're not Sam." Dean continued to smile.

"Um no...I'm Castiel."

Dean walked toward Cas and grabbed his chin "Hi Cas. Are you sneaking in my dressing room hoping to get a little after show fun or something?"

Cas blushed, and knocked Dean's hand away.

"No." Cas growled. "I'm a reporter, I was told to interview you." Dean chuckled and pulled a beer out of the mini fridge in the corner of the room.

"Interview me? I don't talk to reporters man." Dean opened the beer and took a swig.

Cas sighed "Why not? Hiding something?"

Dean laughed, lips to the bottle. "Not exactly, I'm just a very private person." He sat on the couch, patting the seat beside him. "Come here. Sit down."

Cas rolled his eyes "I'm not a groupie, I'm not here to fuck you." Dean leaned back

"Maybe that wasn't your intention, but it's likely to happen." Dean smirked.

God this guy had an ego on him, Cas was a little disappointed that this guy was such a pretentious prick. Dean sighed "Fine I'll answer three questions. Thats it."

Cas sat down on the couch beside Dean. Dear god he smelled amazing. "Can you put on a shirt?" Cas's eyes darted away from Dean. Dean's arms were massive, his chest was nicely chiseled and he was shaved clean. Probably to be less likely to overheat on stage.

Dean smirked "Why? Is it it bothering you? Getting you all excited?"

Cas blushed. "No...its just unprofessional." Dean chuckled. After figuring out Dean wasn't going to comply with his request he moved on. "Are you gay or something?"

Dean looked up, long lashes falling over green eyes. "Not generally. Though id make an exception for your sweet little ass." Cas jumped a little. "That's two questions." Dean held up two fingers.

"Wait. What? No those weren't the questions I was gonna..." Cas complained.

Dean interrupted him, "Too bad, you get one more question."

Cas sighed "God, why are you such a prick?" Cas groaned.

"Because baby you like it. And that's three." Dean got up and threw his beer in the trash.

"W-Wait! That's not fair!" Cas whined. Dean smirked, god he was a smug bastard.

"Hey I said I would answer three questions didn't I?" He crossed his arms against his bare chest. "So unless you wanna fuck, I have stuff to do." Cas felt his blood boil. This guy was such an asshole. How could he have possibly thought that this guy was attractive in the first place?

"Pretentious rock stars aren't really my thing." Cas glared as he got up. "Fuck this, Naomi can be pissed, I'm leaving."

Dean chuckled behind him "Look forward to seeing you again baby."

"Fuck you you asshole!" Cas screamed before slamming the door behind him. He shoved past a group of disgruntled groupies before leaving the coliseum.

"That's too bad, he was pretty cute for a dude." Dean slipped on a shirt when he heard a knock at the door. It was his bassist and brother, Sam.

"Hey Dean, who was that guy who came out of your dressing room?" Sam came in and closed the door behind him.

"Just some reporter." Dean commented before collapsing on a nearby couch. The show had taken a lot out of him, maybe he was getting old.

Sam cocked an eyebrow "I thought you didn't talk to reporters Dean."

Dean shrugged "I don't, he snuck in here, i think i pissed him off."

Sam sighed "I wouldnt be shocked Dean, you can be an asshole."

Dean shrugged again. "Oh well, i get the feeling ill see him again anyways."

Sam rolled his eyes "Well Gabriel, Chuck and i are going to get a drink. You wanna come?"

Dean shook his head. "No Sammy I'm tired." Sam nodded before heading out the door. Dean laid back on the couch with his eyes closed.

"Castiel huh?" He commented before closing his eyes and falling asleep on the couch.

"Asshole!" Cas screamed as he drove down the road. Beautiful or not that guy was a...was a...assbutt..."assbutt?" Cas groaned. The guy had him so frazzled he couldn't even form a proper insult. Now he had to show up to work Monday with no picture and no interview. Fuck that guy he hoped he never saw him again. Cas arrived home a few minutes later, tossing his shirt to the side he collapsed on his bed. His phone rang

"What?!" he yelled into it.

 _"Woah woah Cassy, who pissed you off?"_ it was Balthazar.

"Turns out Dean Winchester is a jackass." Cas hissed.

 _"Aw that's a pity, was he as gorgeous as i said he was?"_  

Cas groaned "Yes. Which made me hate him even more."

Balthazar laughed. _"Alright mate, try not to fantasize about him too much."_

Cas growled "Good night Balthazar" he hung up the phone. God Dean was an asshole. If he never saw him again it would be to soon. Cas rolled over, not even bothering to take off his jeans he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :). the song dean sings is called "temporary bliss" by the cab. i love the song so it made it in here lol. im going to be writing this one and another continuing story and i will try to update each as often as i can. reviews appreciated!


	2. Maybe. Maybe not.

Cas woke up the next morning, his head ached like someone had hit him with a semi. "Ugh, stupid concert." he shuffled over to the shower.

He smelled like weed and booze. He hadn't done either but the other concert attendees had and the stink had rubbed off on him. Cas let the hot water run over his face, running his hands through his dark hair. His mind went back to Dean. It was a shame that he was such a jerk, then again the beautiful ones always were. Cas shook his head in disgust. He didnt want to think about Dean anymore, not his beautiful green eyes, or his deep rumbling voice.

"No. No. No!" Cas scolded himself. He hated Dean, hated him and he wanted it to stay that way. It was Saturday so thankfully he didn't have to work. After getting out of the shower and drying his hair he got dressed, unsure of what to do today. He adorned just a simple t-shirt and jeans and crashed onto the couch. He turned on the TV and started watching the news.

_"Up next: R_ _ising star Dean Winchester concert coverage from last night."_

Cas huffed and turned the TV off. "Fuck, I just cant escape this guy." Cas slipped on his boots and grabbed his keys "I have to get out of here." He went down the stairs of his apartment complex and climbed into his Cadillac. Cas decided to go to the store, he was low on a few things anyways. He turned on the radio.

_"...Love in my eyes blinded by you. Just to get a taste of heaven. I'm on my..."_

Cas turned the radio off. "Ugh this guy is fucking everywhere." Cas groaned. God he was tired, he decided to stop at a starbucks on the way to the store.

The place was packed, Cas stood at the back of the stupidly slow moving line. He began to tap his foot impatiently "What the hell is taking so long?" There was a woman four people ahead of them who appeared to be ordering every drink on the menu. "This is fucking ridiculous."Cas mumbled under his breath.

"Are you always this mad at everything?"

Cas whipped around, Dean Winchester was behind him, peering from under a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Oh fuck. It's you." Cas groaned.

Dean cocked an eyebrow "Oh fuck its me? Not usually the reaction I get when people see me."

Cas huffed, turning back around "Well contrary to popular belief not everyone is enamored by you."

The woman finally finished her order and the line moved up, only three people ahead of him now.

"To be honest, you're the first person I've met who isn't." Dean crossed his arms.

"Well I guess that makes me the only intelligent person on this planet." Cas replied, not turning around.

Dean laughed "Well I don't know about intelligent but it makes you interesting."

Cas huffed, the line moved forward again. "Are you stalking me or something?" He turned his head but didn't look at Dean.

"No. I just happen to like to get coffee where you like to get coffee." Dean smiled.

"Right." Cas grunted, moving forward in line. "What is it you want from me Dean?"

Dean laughed "What? I find you interesting, can't we just talk?"

Cas glared over his shoulder and didnt answer.

"Sir! Can i help you?" Finally it was his turn.

"Caramel Machiatto please."

The cashier typed the order in. "$5.21 sir. Name?"

Cas handed the Barrister exact change "Castiel." He waited while they made his drink.

Cas turned around "You're still here?" '

Dean pouted "Aw come on baby, that hurts my feelings"

Cas glared "I'm not your "baby" now go the fuck away."

Dean clicked his tongue in irritation.

"Castiel!" his drink was ready.

"Thanks" Cas tossed a $5 bill in the tip jar. He left the Starbucks, and Dean followed.

"Would you stop stalking me please?" Cas sped up, walking through the Los Angles crowd.

"I'm not stalking you, i just wanna talk to you." Dean's breathing sped up as he practically jogged to keep up with Cas.

"Well i don't want to talk to you." Cas turned a corner, Dean followed, almost crashing into a passing couple.

"Come on, you need that interview for work don't you?"

Cas froze and turned around. He did need that interview, if he showed up Monday to work empty handed Naomi would surely and happily fire him.

"Ugh fine..." He resigned.

"Yes!" Dean grinned, Cas rolled his eyes.

"Come on i know a place we can talk." Cas led the way, Dean followed.

They arrived at a darkly lit restaurant, alternative music played in the background. Cas looked around "Nobody here should recognize you and its dark." They sat down at a table in the corner of the restaurant. A waitress came buy to take their order, Cas simply ordered a coffee and Dean a beer.

"It's ten in the morning, do you really need a beer?" Cas questioned Dean as the waitress left with their drink order.

"What? It's five o'clock somewhere." Dean shrugged.

Cas rolled his eyes and pulled out a tape recorder. "Okay lets get this over with."

Dean who had been staring at the waitress turned his attention back to Cas. "Okay shoot." Cas hit play on the recorder.

"Okay first question. When and why did you start singing?"

The waitress brought them their drinks, smiled at Dean then left. After taking a sip of his beer Dean looked at Cas

"I was ten, my dad was a drunk and terrified my little brother so i would sing to him to comfort him."

Cas looked at Dean like he was insane "Really? That's your interview answer?"

Dean nodded "Did you want me to lie?"

Cas shook his head. "Okay next question. Which musicians do you admire?"

Dean sipped his beer again "Lynard Skynard, Kansas and Metallica."

Cas took a sip of his coffee. So he liked classic rock huh? Dean seemed like a punk music kind of person. Cas hadn't noticed before but Dean had multiple piercings in his ears and wore a black leather jacket. A padlock on a chain hung around his neck, as well as a longer necklace with a strange idol hanging from it.

"Okay next question..." After answering a few more questions they finished their drinks. Dean was surprisingly compliant the rest of the interview. After paying for their drinks, Cas headed out the door, Dean followed.

"Can I walk you to your car?" Dean leaned against a nearby wall. They had walked a good six blocks, in Los Angeles maybe it wasn't a bad idea to walk with someone else.

"Alright." Cas began to walk, Dean trailing behind him. They didn't talk the entire walk, a few girls passing them giggled as they stared at Dean.

Once they arrived at Cas's Cadillac, he opened the door. "Thank you for doing the interview."

Dean smiled. "No problem. Can i see you again soon?" Cas looked at him suspiciously, Naomi was sure to want more information on Dean later.

"Sure. but how?"

Dean pulled out his phone. "Gimme your number, I'll text you."

Cas reluctantly pulled out his phone, and read his number to Dean. "Cool." Dean typed and Cas felt his phone buzz.

"Hi" was all the text said. After slipping his phone in his pocket, Cas climbed in the driver's side of the car and started the engine. Dean leaned into the car window.

"See ya later."

Cas nodded and drove off, Dean waving in his rear view mirror. "Maybe hes no as much of a dick as i thought. Maybe." Cas smiled.

He arrived at home a few minutes later. He was hungry. "Fuck." His fridge was empty, he had forgotten to go to the store. He ate a poptart out of the cabinet and decided to take a nap. Too tired to make it to his bed, he collapsed on the couch. He slept for a few hours, his phone rang and woke him up. "I'm too sexy for my shirt" assaulted Cas's ears. Balthazar had made that his ringtone and Cas was too lazy to change it back.

"Dammit Balthazar...let me sleep." Cas rolled over. The phone rang again "Fine." He picked up the phone and flipped it open

"What?" he groaned, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

_"Hey Cassy. You wanna go out and get drinks tonight? i'll treat you to dinner."_

Cas's stomach growled, he was hungry. "Sure give me fifteen to get ready."

Cas changed into fresh clothes and heard the doorbell ring. He opened the door.

"Ready to go?" Balthazar was wearing an extremely low cut v-neck shirt and a pair of ripped jeans.

"God Balthazar you're forty-five years old, are you ever going to dress your age?"

Balthazar chuckled. He and Cas walked down the steps of the complex to Balthazar's red mustang. They arrived at a restaurant about fifteen minutes later. They were seated in the corner in a booth.

"What can i get you boys?" The waitress appeared to be in her early thirties, sporting a brown pixie cut.

"Two burgers and two beers." Balthazar handed her the menus. He turned to Cas

"So Cas. What happened with Dean Winchester?"

Cas rested an elbow on the table. "Well last night he was a dick, joked about me wanting to screw him, and refused to answer any of my questions but today he-"

Balthazar held a hand up "Today? You saw him again today?"

Cas rubbed the back of his neck "Uh yeah, he was at the coffee shop this morning and finally did the interview and he gave me his number."

Balthazar cocked an eyebrow "He did the interview AND gave you his number?"

The waitress set their food down. Balthazar leaned in "Cas buddy, he has the hots for you."

Cas blushed "He does not."

Balthazar took a bite out of his burger. "Oh yesh he dose cashhy..." Balthazar spoke through a mouth full of burger.

"Shut up and swallow your food Balthazar." Cas took a bite of his own burger.

Balthazar swallowed "So are you seeing him again?"

Cas shrugged "I guess so, I'm sure Naomi will want me to follow up with him."

Balthazar nodded. They spent the rest of the night drinking and talking about the concert. Cas had more than a few beers and began to slur his words, loudly.

"Shurrr he was hot...b-but he was a masshive jerk...but then i thought maybe...maybe not..." Cas trailed off. He tried to stand, that wasn't happening.

"Come on Cassy, lets get you home." Balthazar wrapped his friends arm around his shoulder, paid the bill and dragged him out the door.

The ride back was Cas slurring on and on about Dean. "He had pretty pretty eyes Baltha...Hic..." He patted his friends shoulder as he drove. "Hey Balthazar...Balth...guess. Guess what?" Cas leaned in, arm slung around the back of the seat. "He asked if I wanted to shleep wif him...I shoulda...hahahahahaha." Cas busted into a drunken laughter. Finally at the apartments, Balthazar dragged Cas upstairs and tossed him on the bed. Cas was wasted, giggling on the bed hysterically.

Balthazar came in with a glass of water. "Come on mate drink this." He held the drink out to Cas, who knocked it out of his hand.

"No! I don't wanna." Cas pouted like a toddler. A stupid drunken toddler. "Am I pretty balty? I wondurr if Dean thinks im pretty." Cas slurred his words some more. Balthazar made him lay down, Cas yanked at Balthazar's waist trying to get him to lay down with him. Balthazar knocked Cas's hand away.

"Sleepy time Cassy."

Cas looked up grinning. "Okays Balthazar." Cas rolled over and passed out.

He woke up the next morning, head pounding. "Ugh..." He held his head and stumbled to the bathroom, he felt sick and fell to his knees. He made it to the toilet just in time. He threw up for a few minutes before deciding he was done."Gross." He wobbled to the living room. Balthazar was asleep on his couch. He must of stayed over to make sure Cas was okay. He popped a couple Advil in as Balthazar stirred on the couch.

"Morning Cassy. how ya feeling?"

Cas groaned. "Terrible." he sat next to Balthazar.

"What dumb things did i say last night?"

Balthazar chuckled. "You were talking about how hot Dean was and how you wanted to sleep with him."

Cas knew Balthazar wasnt lying, he remembered talking about Dean. "Thanks for taking care of me last night."

Balthazar slapped a hand on Cas's shoulder. "No problem Mate, I'm going home. See you at work tomorrow." He waved as he headed out the door.

"Ugh work." The clock on the stove read 2:38 pm. "Damn, I'm supposed to go to bed in a few hours for work."

Cas spent the rest of the day writing up his interview with Dean. As he typed away his thoughts went back to Dean. Dean was pretentious, rude and overall a dick but he had agreed to do the interview so maybe he wasn't so bad. After he finished writing, he looked at the clock, 10:17 pm. "Way past time for bed." Cas changed into a pair of sweatpants and collapsed on the bed. He fell asleep not exactly eager for work in the morning.


	3. Imma go kick his assbutt

He arrived at Naomi's office early monday morning. He was exhausted between getting drunk and the concert he was drained. "I'm too old for this shit." He knocked on the office door.

"Come in." A voice echoed on the other side of the door. He opened the door, Naomi was sitting at her desk, hair pulled into a tight bun.

"Come in Castiel." Cas obeyed and sat in the seat by her desk. "Did you get the interview?" Naomi looked up. Cas had printed the interview out and handed it to her. She flipped through the papers before looking up at Cas. "These are good. He answered every question. Did you get a picture?"

Cas shook his head "No but I'm supposed to see him again." Naomi looked up suspiciously. "He uh...seems to only want to talk to me." The room felt awkward but Naomi smiled.

"This is perfect Castiel. If you are the only reporter he will talk to then we get his stories exclusively. This is a reporter's dream." Was Naomi complimenting him? He pinched his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "I want you to keep following him Castiel, he's your top priority for the time being." Cas wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

"Okay ill keep in touch with him." He got up from the chair and headed for the door. Naomi smiled him out of the room, it was strange for her to smile, suspicious to say the least. He returned to his desk and sighed. His phone buzzed on his desk.

It was Dean _"What are you doing tonight?"_

Cas looked around to make sure one of his managers wasn't around and texted back. "Laundry."

" _Think you can skip laundry? I wanna see you again."_   What was this guys problem? He seemed to be obsessed with Cas.

"No. I have no clean clothes." His phone buzzed again. Cas became irritated, he wasnt getting any work done. " _I'll buy you clothes or something, why don't you come over tonight?"_

Cas scoffed. That was a straight forward request, he met the guy three days ago and he wanted Cas to come to his house? "No. I have laundry to do." Cas typed back, ducking his phone under his desk as a manager walked by.

_"God you're such a killjoy. When are you not doing laundry?"_

Cas growled, this guy wasn't going to let him be. "Thursday." he typed back.

_"You wanna come over Thursday? You could have a few pictures for your article."_

Now Cas couldn't pass that up, Naomi is finally happy and Cas wanted to keep her happy.

"Sure."

_"Yay :)"_

Cas chuckled, Balthazar leaned over Cas's desk. "Cas man, why is your phone going off so much?"

Cas looked up, shoving the phone in his pocket. "Dean was texting me."

Balthazar smiled "You two banging now?"

Cas blushed then scowled. "No Balthazar, shut up. It's a very professional relationship. He's my assignment." He was _never_ going to fuck Dean, not in a million years.

It was Balthazar's turn to roll his eyes for once. "Right Cassy, an assignment that you happen to have the hots for."

Cas growled "I do not have the hots for him." He looked up to see a manager was heading their way.

"What ever you say mate" Balthazar returned to his desk.

"Ugh...I do not have the hots for Dean." Cas sighed and returned to his work.

Thursday wasted no time arriving as Cas clocked out, ready to go home and change before he saw Dean again. Dean was supposed to pick Cas up from his apartment at 6:30, giving him plenty of time to get ready. After he got home he rustled through his closet. His clothes were a mess. He didn't have anything nice to wear. Wait? Why should he care. It's not like hes trying to look attractive for Dean. He thought that but he ended up in a nice button up shirt, blue tie and a nice pair of black pants.

"Fuck." he didn't mean to dress up, he shucked on his beige trenchcoat and waited for Dean to arrive. The doorbell rang and Cas grabbed his camera bag and it over his shoulder before answering the door. Dean was standing there in and old "Stone Temple Pilots" band t-shirt and ratty jeans. The padlock necklace as well as the strange idol necklace from Saturday still hung around his neck. Cas looked completely over dressed.

"You ready to go?" Dean smiled his lady killer smile as he leaned against the door.

"Yeah." Cas locked the apartment door behind him. He and Dean headed down the steps. Cas spotted a 1967 black Chevy Impala in the parking lot, it must be Dean's. Sure enough Dean headed for the Impala, opening the driver's side door.

"Coming?" Dean motioned to the car.

"Yeah." Cas took his place in the passengers side of the Impala. She was well taken care of, pristine. Dean started the car and began to drive off.

"So where are we going?" Cas turned to Dean.

"My place" Dean smiled.

Cas looked at him incredulously. "Your place?"

Dean nodded "Uh huh. It's to make sure we arnt bothered, i got swamped by fans all day."

Cas sighed "Oh okay." about twenty minutes later they arrived at a huge house, it was dark so it was hard to make out details. Dean parked the Impala, he and Cas got out and headed for the front door. Dean unlocked the door and went in, Cas followed.

"Woah." The ceiling had to be forty feet high, a winding staircase rested in the middle of the room.

"Come on." Dean motioned to Cas to follow him. They entered what Cas assumed was a den. A flatscreen TV was mounted against the wall in front of a designer couch.

"So do you want to start taking photos?" Cas snapped back to reality when Dean spoke.

"Uh yeah right." he pulled out his camera, after putting it on the right setting he focused it on Dean.

"Do you want me to pose? Or?"

Cas looked up from the camera. "Uh yeah I guess or just be you."

Dean chuckled "Same thing." Cas didn't know what he meant but decided it wasn't important. He began to snap photos of Dean.

His house was actually a gorgeous backdrop but not as gorgeous as Dean. Cas sometimes couldn't stop staring and forgot to actually take pictures. Dean was so beautiful, there was no denying that. His chest was broad and stretched tight across his t-shirt and his large arms flexed every time he posed. The the thing Castiel couldn't stop looking at was Dean's eyes. They were the brightest green he had ever seen, the seem to sparkle everytime Dean smiled.  After a good hour, they decided to take a break. Dean handed Cas a beer, he reluctantly took it, remembering what happened last time his drank.

He and Dean sat on the couch. Cas was still tired from work, it had been a long week. "So Cas, can I ask you a question?" Dean turned to Cas, arm thrown over the back of the couch. "Why did you agree to come tonight?"

Cas sipped his beer. "I dunno, needed the pictures I guess."

Dean leaned in uncomfortably close to Cas. "Are you sure thats the only reason?"

Cas felt himself turn red. "I...uh..." Dean grabbed Cas's face, green eyes piercing Cas's blue. Cas's face got hotter, God Dean was gorgeous. Cas thought he was going to pass out. "I uh...thought you didn't go for dudes."

Dean smiled "I don't but like I said I would for your sweet angelic ass."

Cas rolled his eyes, "Romantic..." Dean pressed his lips gently to Cas's. Cas was in utter shock, he hated this guy but he couldn't help but like the kiss. He sighed as he returned it, hand instinctively grabbing the back of Dean's neck.

"Ngh..." The kiss was warm and wet as Dean slid his tongue against Cas's teeth, practically begging for entrance. Cas allowed it, Dean's tongue now dancing with his own.

"Fuck" Cas groaned to himself. This was a stupid idea. A really stupid idea. Finally coming to his senses, he pushed Dean back, breaking the kiss. Dean looked shocked and honestly a little hurt. Cas stood up quickly.

"I uh have to go..." Cas grabbed his camera and sped out of the den.

"Cas wait!" Dean yelled after him. He followed Cas but by the time he got to the door Cas was already halfway down the street. "Fuck!" Dean slammed a fist in the doorway.

Cas ran, breathing heavy as he ran farther than probably necessary. He finally stopped, hands on his knees as he panted. "Dammit." He had remembered to grab the camera but not the camera bag. It was late, probably about 9:30. "Fuck how am I going to get home?" He decided to call Balthazar.

Sensing the panic in his coworker's voice, Balthazar decided to skip the questions and hurry to pick up Cas. Cas stood on the side of the road, unable the forget the feel of Dean's lips against his own, Cas touched his fingers to them. It felt as if Dean was still there. Balthazar spotted Cas on the side of the road and pulled over.

"You alright Cas?" Cas nodded and got in the mustang. "Are you sure you're okay?" Balthazar looked at Cas concerned.

Cas sighed "Dean uh...he...kissed me..."

Balthazar cocked an eyebrow. "And you ran?"

Cas groaned, gripping at his hair. "Ugh...I dont know...I wasn't expecting it...I panicked."

Balthazar chuckled a little. "I bet. Don't worry we are almost to your apartment."

Relieved to be home, Cas heading up the stairs. Balthazar waved as he drove off. Cas entered his apartment and set the camera on the bedside table. After changing into sleep pants, he collapsed on his bed. He picked up the camera and flipped through the photos. He couldnt stop staring at it, he went through the photos tiwice before setting the camera back down. "Ugh...why did I run...?" Cas groaned as he sat the camera back on the table. He wouldn't be shocked if Dean never wanted to speak to him again, he rolled over. After fighting sleep for thirty minutes filled with regret, Cas finally passed out.

He woke up the next morning a little later than usual. He grabbed his camera and headed out the door. He arrived at work and uploaded the photos of Dean to his computer. Cas kept flipping through them, unsure of what to feel. After cycling through the photos a total of three times, he sighed and uploaded them in an email to Naomi. He got a reply almost immediately

_"This is wonderful work Castiel, I'm looking forward to more."_

Cas gripped at his hair in frustration. "Ugh she wants more photos of him? Haven't I been through enough?"

He spent the rest of the day groaning and muttering under his breath. He didn't know if he could face Dean after last night and to be honest he didn't if he wanted to. Work dragged on but finally 5:15 rolled around. Balthazar hadn't spoken to him all day but he followed Cas into the elevator on the way down.

"Sorry I haven't said anything to you all day mate. I figured you needed some space." Balthazar pressed the button to go to the first floor.

"Its alright Balthazar, I appreciate it." Cas nodded.

"Do you want to drink at your house tonight? Might take your mind off of things."

Cas thought it over. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to get drunk, it would keep his mind off Dean. Cas nodded in approval.

"Alright, ill just follow you home then?"

Cas looked over "I don't have any alcohol at my house."

Balthazar chuckled. "Its fine Cassy, I have tons of vodka in my car." Cas rolled his eyes. Of course Balthazar had a stockpile of vodka in his car. Getting in their separate cars, they drove to Cas's apartment. Cas went up the stairs to unlock the door while Balthazar went in his trunk to get the vodka.

Cas entered the apartment, Balthazar followed behind him. He had about six bottles of various kinds of vodka in his arms.

"Ready to get drinking mate?"

Cas nodded "Absolutely."

About three glasses in Balthazar was still holding strong, vodka was practically water to him. Cas however was off his rocker. "Ya...ya know Baltha...hic...Balt...ugh whys ya names so hards?" He had a arm slung over Balthazar, sloshing only his second glass of vodka.

"My name's not hard, you're just very drunk." Balthazar patted Cas's head.

Cas grinned "Nos...no ims no..okays maybe I is a little drunk..." He tackled Balthazar, knocking him back on the couch.

"Come on Cassy, get off." Balthazar tried to push his drunken friend off, but he had a death grip around Balthazar's waist.

"No Balthy i wants hugs!" Cas purred as he cuddled the older man.

"Ugh why do I get you drunk?" Balthazar slammed a hand against his forehead. Cas continued to purr as he nuzzled his friend.

"I miss him. Lots. I'm a dumb. I'm a dumb." Cas pouted. Cas sat up, releasing Balthazar "He's shuch a jerk. i shouldn't like himmm." Cas hummed.

Balthazar listened to his friends drunken rumbling, sipping his drink. "He kissed me...tha jerk...he messes with ma brain." Cas stood up quickly, shucking on his trench coat.

"Where are you going?"

Cas headed toward the door. "He's a jerk, Imma go kick his assbutt."

Balthazar grabbed his friend's arm. "No you're drunk, don't drive."

Cas yanked his arm away. "Im fine Balthy..." He ran out the door, Balthazar chased after him.

"Cas wait!" He leaned over the railing of the stairs. Cas was already driving off. "Dammit." Balthazar groaned.

"Imma...Imma...teach that jerk a lesson." Cas swerved all over the road but somehow managed to make it to Dean's house unscathed. He got out of the Cadillac and slammed the door behind him. He proceeded to pound heavily on Dean's front door.

"DEAN! DEAN WINCHESTURRRRRRR...GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Cas banged on the door repeatedly. Mid swing the door opened and Cas almost hit Dean in the face.

"Cas?" Dean was in a pair of just sweatpants, hair dripping, he had just gotten out of the shower.

"Dean Winchesturr...you beautiful sons..of a bitch..." Cas slurred and swung at Dean again.

Dean easily dodged it, causing Cas to faceplant on the hard foyer floor. "Oh my god Cas!" Dean tried to pick him up, but Cas swatted his hand away.

"Dont touch me you son of a bitch!"

Dean glared. "God Cas what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you drunk?"

Cas sat up, and poked Dean's chest repeatedly. "NO...yes..." Cas laid back on the floor and giggled hysterically. Dean finally was able to get Cas into the den where they had done their photoshoot and laid him on the couch. Cas stopped giggling and glared at Dean. "You're a shunn of a bitch you know that?" Dean crossed his arms. How had he ended up with this drunken idiot on his couch in the middle of the night? "Why'd ya kiss me huh? I wann know. You could get any chick you want. Why are you screwing with me?!" Cas screamed at Dean.

Dean sighed, God this guy was an idiot. "Look Cas, I don't know."

Cas glared "Ya don't know assbutt? Fuck you. I haven't been able to get you out of my head. You're driving me insane!" Cas seemed to be sobering up a little, his sentences made more sense.

"Well fucking forgive me Cas! If you wern't so damn adorable i wouldn't act like an idiot around you!" Dean screamed at the drunken man on the couch who's mouth fell agape.

"You think I'm adorable?" Cas looked up. Dean rubbed his hand nervously through his short hair.

"Look, when I saw you at the concert in the crowd I had a hard time not focusing on you. I recognized you when you came into my dressing room and I just...I don't know..." Cas grabbed Dean's arm and tightened his grip.

"Kiss me." Cas demanded.

"What?" Dean looked at Cas like he was crazy, but those bright blue eyes were piercing into his soul. "Dammit Cas..."

Dean grabbed Cas by the collar, pulling him into a kiss. Cas groaned as he felt Dean's lip against his. He ran his hands up Dean's bare back, nails gripping at the smooth muscular skin. Dean crawled on top of Cas, running one hand through his hair.

"Cas..." Dean breathed through the kisses. Cas looked up, Dean's eyes were heavy, his breathing labored. God Dean was so beautiful. As much as Cas wanted to deny it he wanted Dean, and his drunken state was kind of impairing his reasoning.

"Fuck it." Cas groaned as he yanked at Dean's short hair, while Dean began to kiss down Cas's neck. The kissing sped up, hands sliding all over the other's bodies. Dean tore Cas's dress shirt open and ripped the buttons. He began to kiss down Cas's chest, teasing his nipple as he flicked his tongue across it.

"Ah fuck..." Cas arched his back. It had been a good long while since Cas had gotten laid so his body reacted favorably and intensely to everything Dean did. Dean began to grind against him, Cas's hips bucked in response

"Im sorry Cas, I cant wait." Dean fumbled with his sweats, sliding them off and began to get to work on Cas's pants.

Cas looked up, damn Dean was huge. Cas had trouble keeping his eyes off it it. Dean finally had Cas's pants around his ankles. As they resumed kissing, tongues swirling against the other. Dean groaned as he rubbed his dick against Cas's

"Oh fuck." Dean groaned. Cas grabbed Dean's ass as he bucked against him again. "God Cas i want to...ugh" Dean groaned as Cas's nails dug into his ass.

"Fuck me Dean." Cas commanded.

Dean smirked "Damn Cas, you really want me that badly?"

Cas pulled him into a kiss "Fuck yes." Dean licked two fingers and slid his hand under Cas's ass. His fingers rubbed against Cas's heated entrance.

"Ah...p-please Dean..." Cas pleaded as Dean slid a finger in, quickly followed by a second. Cas gasped as he felt Dean, Dean's fingers inside him. Fuck he needed this and it felt so fucking good. Dean leaned down, fingers still working he ran his tongue up Cas's dick. Cas shuddered as Dean drank him in, sliding his tongue from the shaft to the head.

"Ah Dean...please.." Cas's back arched.

"Fuck." Dean looked around. They didn't have any lube down here and Dean's bedroom was all the way upstairs. Dean sighed as he lifted Cas's leg up and began to probe with his tongue as well as his fingers.

"Ah fuck...Dean..." Cas grasped his hair, hips bucking wildly. Cas was about to go insane as Dean warm tongue probed him, fingers working away.

Dean pulled his fingers and tongue away, leaving behind as much wetness as he could. He gripped himself and slowly began to enter Cas. "Fuck." Dean groaned.

"Mmph..." Cas bit his lip as he gripped the backside of the couch, trying to gain any kind of leverage. Dean began to pump in and out of Cas slowly.

 _"Fuck this feels good"_ Dean thought to himself. Cas moaned loudly as he felt Dean move inside him. It had been too long since someone touched Cas like this and it felt amazing. Dean started to create a rhythm. Their bodies began to fall in sync as their breathing became labored. Mouths inches apart, blue stared into green as the rhythm picked up. Dean was pumping at full speed and he was already so close.

"Ah...fuck..." Dean groaned as he came inside Cas. Cas gasped as he felt the warmth fill his body, his own orgasm came as he bucked hips. After pulling out Dean collapsed on top of Cas.

"Son of a bitch..." Dean panted, head resting on Cas's chest. The orgasm must have sobered Cas up because he realized what he had just done. He had just fucked famous musician Dean Winchester in a drunken fit.

"Ugh I'm such a moron." Cas slapped himself in the head. Dean looked up, still naked on top of Cas.

"What's wrong Cas?"

Cas pushed Dean off. "I uh have to go." Cas pulled his pants up from around his ankles and slipped on his overshirt, the buttons were missing "Dammit" Cas groaned as he crossed to the door. Dean was left alone naked on the couch, clearly confused.

"Cas where are you going?" Cas stopped dead in his tracks.

"I just...need to figure some things out..." Cas rushed through the doorway, entered his Cadillac and drove off. Dean sat on the couch, a little pissed.

"What the fuck?" he groaned as he fell back on the couch, thinking he had done something wrong.


	4. Dammit Cas

Cas was completely silent the drive home but his thoughts were swirling about in his head. Why the hell did he do that? Was it the alcohol or something more? Though brief it was certainly good sex. Cas became frustrated with his own thoughts and was ready to get home. After he arrived he was still fuming. It was 12:37 am and Cas was stomping up the stairs in a fit, not caring who he woke. He swung his door open and stomped towards the kitchen. Balthazar was sitting on the couch, hands on his head.

He looked up "Cas! Thank God you're alright!" Balthazar embraced his friend, followed by a smack against the back of Cas's head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Cas rubbed his head.

"That was for driving away drunk and making your best friend terrified for nearly two hours."

Cas crossed his arms. "Sorry Balthazar, I'll be more careful next time." He crossed the room to the kitchen, taking a swig from his glass from earlier. Balthazar sat on the couch, Cas more or so crashed into it.

"God I need a drink." Cas pulled the half empty vodka bottle off the table and began to chug it.

"Woah woah!" Balthazar yanked the bottle from his hand. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're gonna get sick mate."

Cas sighed. "I did something really really stupid." Cas buried his hands in his face.

Balthazar swung an arm over the couch. "What did you do? Kick his ass? Fuck him?" Cas groaned as he rubbed his temples in frustration. "Oh shit. You did, you fucked him." Balthazar looked at Cas wide eyed.

"I'd rather not remember it Balthazar." Cas yanked the bottle back and took a swig.

"Why was it bad?" Balthazar looked at Cas with interest.

"No it was wonderful actually. Best sex I've had in years." Cas groaned, hanging his head.

"Then why are you upset?" Balthazar was always there for Cas but sometimes he asked unintentionally insensitive questions.

"I don't know...because I hate the guy...he's my job...because I actually liked sleeping with him? Take your pick."

Balthazar patted his friend's shoulder reassuringly. "Look mate. So you slept with the guy. It was a drunken mistake. I of all people know what that's like." Cas looked up, hands rested in his lap.

"I don't know what to do Balthazar. After we did it I just ran."

Balthazar sighed. "You gotta stop doing that mate."

Cas groaned "I know I just don't know how I'm going to face him again." He still couldn't believe he had done that. A few hours later Balthazar went home and Cas collapsed on his bed. His phone buzzed repeatedly Cas ignored it. After going off a few more times Cas picked it up. There were six missed calls from Dean. "Ugh...I can't talk to him right now." Cas rolled over and fell asleep. He spent the rest of the weekend holed up in his apartment, drinking whatever alcohol Balthazar had left. Dean hadn't called him since Friday night, maybe he had decided to let Cas go. 

* * *

 

"Ugh. why isn't he picking up his phone?!" Dean groaned as he checked his phone, no missed calls. Sam leaned in the doorway of Dean's living room, a concerned look on his face. Sam had his own house but sometimes when touring he stayed at Dean's a few days a week. He was afraid his brother would get lonely.

"What's wrong Dean?"

Dean looked up from his phone. "I've been trying to call Cas all night. He won't return any of my messages." Sam cocked an eyebrow

"Cas?"

Oh yeah, Dean hadn't really talked to Sam about Cas. "He was the guy that snuck into my dressing room that night." Dean checked his phone again. Sam somehow managed to raise his eyebrows even further.

"So why do you have his number Dean? Are you sleeping with him? I've never seen you go for a guy before." Dean looked up, trying to decide if he should tell Sammy what happened. He wasn't worried about being judged after all Sam was dating their guitarist Gabriel, so it's not like he was homophobic or anything.

"We kind of uh...screwed. Then he ran off immediately after." Dean sighed, checking his phone again.

"Ouch. What happened? You piss him off?" Sam crossed his arms.

"No. Yes. I don't know. All he said to me was he needed to figure some stuff out." Dean groaned.

"You probably freaked him out Dean. Did you jump him or something?"

Dean growled a little. "No Sammy I didn't jump him, for your information he asked me to fuck him. I don't know why the hell he ran off." He dialed Cas's number again, no answer. "Son of a bitch..." Dean groaned.

Sam sighed. "Look Dean I think this guy could have feelings for you and that's why he ran."

Dean looked up. "Yeah right Sammy. The guy hates my guts."

Sam shrugged. "Maybe that's how he acts to hide his true feelings."

Dean grunted. "Right. I have to do something about this soon, I can't leave it like this."

Sam nodded in agreement. "I'm going to lunch with Gabriel if you need anything call." Dean nodded as Sam headed out the door.

"Ugh stupid Cas...he didn't have to run like that." Dean glanced over, Cas's camera bag sat on an end table. Dean got up and picked the bag up. "Surely he needs this back." Dean muttered unsure of what to do with the bag he kicked a nearby chair in frustration. "Dammit Cas..."

Monday morning Cas arrived at work in a foul mood. He angrily shoved past a group of coworkers who were chatting by the elevator. Someone murmured "Jerk" as Cas entered the elevator. Finally at his desk he ran his fingers through his hair with his right hand, threatening to snap a pencil with his left. Balthazar cautiously peered over the cubicle. Cas looked like he didn't want to be messed with and he would knock out anyone who bothered him. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was a text from Dean.

_"Can we talk? Soon?"_

Cas grunted and texted back "No."

The phone buzzed again, Cas ignored it. A few days passed, catching up and ignoring his buzzing phone were the majority of Cas's week. By Thursday Cas was beyond irritated and began turning his phone off at work. After a long day at work Cas entered his apartment, kicked his shoes off and collapsed on the couch. He flipped on the TV. There was absolutely nothing good on. He heard his doorbell ring. Irritated he got up and flung the door open. Dean was standing in his doorway, Cas's camera bag was slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, can we talk?" Dean inched a little closer to the door.

"No. Piss off." Cas went to slam the door in Dean's face but Dean stopped the door with his arm. Giving up, Cas let go of the door and allowed Dean inside.

"I thought you might need this back." He held the bag out to Cas.

"Thanks." Cas swiped the bag. "Now leave."

Dean glared "Now look here angel ass, I'm trying to be civil here."

Cas rolled his eyes "Nobody asked you to be."

Dean grabbed Cas's collar and slammed him against the wall. "What the fuck is your problem?!" He tightened his grip on Cas's collar. "Why are you so pissed huh? If I remember correctly you asked me to fuck you!" Cas was off the ground now. Dean was even stronger than he looked.

"Because you fuck with my head!" Cas grabbed Dean's collar.

"I fuck with your head? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Dean screamed in Cas's face.

"I didn't want to fall for you!"

Dean dropped Cas in surprise. Cas landed promptly on his ass and Dean stepped back.

"You fell for me? You mean you love me?" Cas stood up and leaned against the wall.

"I don't know if I love you. All I know is I can't keep my mind off you. It's driving me insane." Cas sunk back down to his knees. He was too mentally exhausted to stand up for this conversation. Dean stood there like a statue. Sure Cas had been on his mind but it never crossed his thoughts that the guy might be in love with him.

"Look Cas." Dean squatted down, eye level with Cas. "I don't know if I love you either but you've been on my mind ever since the night of the concert." Cas looked up, Dean's green eyes seemed to be going right through his soul. "So what are we gonna do about this? Clearly we have repressed feelings for each other." Dean loomed over Cas, waiting for an answer. Cas looked up. He didn't have an answer. He met Dean a few weeks ago and if him and Dean started sleeping together the media would sniff it out like a blood hound.

"We can't." Cas finally decided. "It could ruin your career."

Dean shook his head. "My brother is dating our guitarist and his career is fine."

Cas sighed. "What would we be? Boyfriends? Fuck buddies?"

Dean ran his hand through his hair. "Dating I guess, obviously we would have to keep it hush hush but it could work."

Cas considered it for a moment. Could this really work? Dean was an ass but Cas was undeniably attracted to him. "Give me a few days to think it over."

Dean nodded. "Alright I'm leaving. Let me know what you decide." Dean headed out the door, leaving Cas on the floor. Cas buried his face in his hands what the hell was he going to to do?

"Cas! Castiel Novak answer the damn door!" Cas groaned as he rolled over, bottle of rum in his hand.

"Go the fuck away Balthazar!" he rolled back over. "I wanna be alone..." Cas mumbled. A loud crash erupted from the front door, Balthazar had kicked it open.

"Cas!" Balthazar ran to his friend as he fell off the couch. "What the hell? Why haven't you been at work for three days?!" Cas groaned as he rolled over into Balthazar's arms.

"I think i'm in love with him Balthazar..." Cas groaned, feeling noxious for a moment. Balthazar sighed, dragging his friend to his bed. Cas was heavier than he looked, but Balthazar was plenty strong and able to lift Cas on to the bed. "Ugh..." Cas moaned. He smelled like a brewery and hadn't showered in three days.

"Geez mate, he really does all this to you?" Balthazar sat his friend up. Cas nodded. "If your so in love with this guy why don't you tell him?" Balthazar patted Cas's head as he crawled in his lap.

"I cant Balthazar. It would ruin his career and mine." Cas began to sob, Balthazar running his fingers through his friend's hair.

"Fuck his career. If not being with him upsets you so badly then be with him."

Cas only sobbed louder. This was stupid, he was a grown man, crying over a guy he had just met a few weeks ago. "Get up for a second Cassy." Cas lifted his head, and Balthazar got of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

Balthazar readjusted himself. "To run an errand. Get some sleep." Balthazar walked out the door. Cas, too exhausted to argue, fell asleep.

Balthazar's cherry red mustang whipped into Dean's drive way. He stormed to the door, slamming his fist against it. "Hey Winchester! Open up!" Dean opened the door, Balthazar was standing there, fists clenched.

"Who are you?" Dean peered from behind the door. Balthazar charged forward, knocking Dean down. "Ow! Holy hell! What the fuck man?!" Balthazar grabbed Dean's shirt and slammed him against the ground.

"Castiel!" was all he screamed.

Dean's eyes widened "Cas? Oh my god is he okay?!"

Balthazar shook Dean again. "No he's not fine and its all your fucking fault!" Balthazar was generally a calm person, slow to anger. When it came to Cas however, he was like a raging bull.

"My fault?" Dean blinked.

"Yes your fault. Cas has been trying to drink himself to death for three days because he's in love with you!" Dean sat up and Balthazar got off of him.

"He's in love with me? Really? But when we talked a few days ago he said he wasn't sure."

Balthazar growled "Well he's pretty freaking sure of it now. He won't do anything about it because he doesn't want to ruin your stupid career." Dean sighed. He hadn't meant for this to happen, any of it.

"I told him that didn't matter. My career would be fine."

Balthazar crossed his arms. "Well he seems to think it does."

Dean groaned "Well what am I supposed to do?" Balthazar held his hand out, Dean took it standing up.

"Do what you think you should, but if you hurt Cas, i will hurt you far worse." Balthazar glared.

Dean sighed "Noted." He pushed Balthazar back and headed to the Impala.

"Where are you going?!" Balthazar started after him.

"To see Cas." Dean buckled himself into the front seat. Dean drove off, leaving Balthazar standing in his driveway.

"He better not fuck this up." Balthazar crossed his arms before getting in his own car.

"Idiot! Why didn't he tell me?!" Dean growled, speeding down the road toward Cas's apartment. He arrived at the complex, slamming the car door behind him. He ran upstairs, the door was off its hinges from where Balthazar had kicked it earlier. "Cas!" Dean looked around, Cas was nowhere to be found. "Cas!" He ran to his bedroom. "Oh thank God."

Cas was snoozing peacefully on the bed, hair greasy, snoring lightly. Dean sighed in relief and sat on the edge of the bed. "Mnnn..." Cas spotted a figure at the foot of his bed. "Balthazar?" Cas rubbed his eyes. Dean turned around. "Dean!" Cas panicked and scrambled to the back of the bed. "Dean what are you-"

Dean sighed "Your blonde buddy paid me a visit. Kicked my ass."

Cas slammed his hand on his head. Ow. Hideous hangover. "Ugh..." Cas grasped his head. "God dammit Balthazar..." Dean crawled toward Cas, causing Cas to freeze in place.

"Cas?" Dean leaned in "Are you in love with me?" Cas felt his face grow hot.

"Dean I..." he was cut off by Dean's lips against his own. "Mphh" Cas protested though the kiss. Too tired to fight, he sunk into it. God he had missed Dean, he didn't wanted to admit it but he did.

"Cas..." Dean breathed through the kiss.

"Mmm?" Cas groaned back, lips brushing against Dean's.

"Did you drink a liquor store? You reek man." Cas had completely forgotten his lack of personal hygiene over the past few days.

"Ugh. I do reek." Cas sniffed his arm. Dean chuckled.

"Go take a shower man, i promise I'll be here when you get out." Cas reluctantly agreed. After shuffling to the bathroom, he closed the door behind him. Dean looked around the room, it was in disarray, clothes strewn about. Was Cas always this untidy? Or was this because of Dean too? Dean's head perked up he heard a loud crash from the bathroom.

"Cas!" Dean quickly kicked the door open. Cas was slumped naked in the shower, leaning over the edge of the tub. "Cas are you alright?!" Dean ran to him, unsure of what to do.

"S-sorry..." Cas was conscious "My legs just kind of gave out."

Dean sighed. "You are going to be the death of me." Dean turned off the water and slipped his arms under Cas. He carried him to his bed and laid him down gently.

"Mnnn..." Cas groaned, turning his head. Oh shit. Cas was laying there in front of Dean. Naked, vulnerable, and to be honest, beautiful.

 _"No!"_ Dean scolded himself. Cas was already upset and in alot of pain, Dean couldn't just jump him.

"Mmm...Dean..." Cas opened his eyes, arms out to Dean.

"Dammit Cas..." Dean let Cas pull him into his arms. Cas was warm from the shower, arms wrapped around Dean like he was a giant teddy bear.

"I love you Dean..." Cas sniffed. Dean didn't know what to do, but he didn't want to move. He suddenly heard snoring above his head. Cas was asleep.

"Fuck it." Dean decided. He fell asleep in Cas's arms, deciding he would deal with whatever had to be dealt with in the morning.


	5. Why am I naked?

Cas woke up the next morning slightly drowsy. "Huh? why am I naked?" He sat up, trying to remember anything. He remembered kissing Dean and collapsing in the shower that was about it. He heard singing from the kitchen. After slipping on a pair of sweats he went to investigate. Dean was standing in the kitchen, focused on the stove cooking what smelled like pancakes. He was singing louder than he probably realized, Dean's voice was so beautiful. Cas listened for a moment more then cleared his throat. "Ahem."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin, the pan in his hand almost broke free. "Oh shit. Sorry Cas. Did I wake you?" Cas shook his head. Dean sighed in relief. Dean had made fresh coffee as well, Cas poured himself a mug and sat at the kitchen table. "So...uh...about last night..." Dean turned to Cas, apology in his eyes.

Cas shook his head "Don't apologize Dean. You don't need to, I was wallowing in my own self pity. To be honest I'm shocked you didn't try anything last night."

Dean laughed nervously "Well I considered it. I mean you were laying there all wet and naked and-" Dean trailed off. "-I'm uh gonna shut up now." He plated the finished pancakes and sat across from Cas.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that Dean. And I'm sorry Balthazar did what he did."

Dean shook his head this time. "No it's fine. He was just being a good friend, I'm happy you have someone who cares about you that much." There was a long awkward pause. The pancakes were untouched and getting cold.

"Balthazar can be overzealous sometimes when I'm involved, but I'm glad he did what he did." Cas sipped his coffee.

 _Cas was glad his buddy had attacked him? that seemed a bit harsh._ Dean thought.

Cas held up a hand. "Don't misunderstand. I'm not glad he kicked your ass. I'm just happy that it caused you to come over." He sat his cup down.

Dean looked up "So Cas. You never answered my question last night."

Cas looked up from his cup. "Didn't really have a chance, you started making out with me remember?"

Dean rubbed his neck nervously. "Uh yeah. Sorry about that. Soooo?"

Cas finished his coffee and looked at Dean. "Yeah I guess I do. Love you I mean." He sat the cup down, finger tracing the rim.

"So...does that mean you're saying yes to us? Orrr?" Dean's heartbeat sped up in anticipation.

Cas nodded "I suppose I am. Apparently I can't seem to function properly without you now." That was an odd way to answer it but none the less, Dean was relieved.

"So if that's the case. What do you want to do today?" Dean leaned forward.

Cas shrugged "I dunno...I guess we could..." Suddenly Cas bolted up right."Shit! Work! I'm so fired!" Cas scrambled for his bedroom trying to find clean clothes. "Naomi is going to fucking kill me!" Cas tore through his clothes in frustration. Dean leaned in the doorway, arms crossed.

"How about I come with you? I'm your assignment right? There's your excuse."

Cas sighed. "Dean I've not been at work for three days. I'll have to plead with her not to fire me. Maybe offer my soul." Cas sniffed a shirt then winced.

"Don't worry Cas baby, I'll charm you out of this." Dean smirked. Cas grunted in response. Finally deciding on a shirt that didn't smell too much like death, Cas slipped it on. After frantically getting dressed he ran out the door. Dean followed "Cas I'll drive you. Don't worry I'll get you there." In too much of a hurry to argue, Cas climbed in the Impala.

They arrived at the news station in record time. Dean slipped on a beanie and a pair of aviators. Getting swamped by fans could be a problem if he didn't try to disguise himself at least a little. Cas muttered to himself as he and Dean walked towards the elevator. "Hello Castiel!" Hannah waved.

Cas ignored her, Dean slid his glasses down and winked at her. Dean couldn't help it, he was a flirt and a natural crowd pleaser. Hannah's hand froze mid wave as Dean and Cas entered the elevator. They were the only ones in it and Naomi's office was on the top floor. Cas was still muttering under his breath, Dean sighed and pushed Cas gently against the wall.

"Cas baby chill." He kissed Cas lightly, fingers mussing his hair. Finally calming down, Cas returned the kiss, hand pressed against Dean's chest. A ding went off, the elevator door opened. Dean and Cas separated at supernatural speed. Two men in suits entered the elevator, they didn't seem to notice who Dean was or Cas's newly formed sex hair. The men were talking amongst each other while Cas and Dean stared awkwardly in opposite directions. The men got off the elevator one floor below Naomi's office.

A few seconds later Cas and Dean reached the top floor. Cas gulped as he reached the outside of Naomi's office.

"Don't worry Cas baby, I got you." Dean smiled at Cas reassuringly.

Cas meekly returned the smile and entered the office. Naomi looked up from her desk and spotted Cas. She stood up and stormed towards him "Castiel! Where have you been?! You are lucky I don't fire you right this sec-" She looked up and saw Dean. "And who is this?" she snapped at Cas. Dean removed his sunglasses and smiled a movie star smile.

"My apologies miss Naomi. Cas has been doing research for the past few days for your story about me." Naomi looked like she had been slapped across the face.

"D-Dean Winchester?!" Naomi stuttered. Dean smiled again and Naomi stepped back. "I apologize for any inconvenience that 'thing'. " She snapped her eyes at Cas. "Has caused you."

 _"Wow this chick was a bitch"_ Dean thought and Dean didn't like that she called Cas a "thing." Still Dean held his movie star smile.

"No inconvenience at all, I enjoy talking to Cas. In fact I've agreed to him being the only reporter I'll give stories to." Naomi stood there dumbstruck. Cas looked up at Dean like he was insane, sure Dean never talked to media before but only talking to one news station was suspicious if not strange.

Naomi smiled. "Of course you're not fired Castiel and Dean we truly appreciate the kind offer." Dean nodded in response. "Now Castiel you get to work, we've taken up enough of Mr.Winchester's time." Cas nodded and left the office, Dean trailed behind. They entered the elevator and Cas sighed in relief.

"Thank you so much Dean."

Dean smiled. "No problem Cas baby. It was technically my fault you almost got fired anyways" Cas chuckled in agreement. They reached Cas's floor and he went to step out of the elevator but Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him into a kiss. Luckily the elevator doors closed before anyone could see. Dean broke the kiss and smiled. "See Ya later Cas baby." Cas blushed as Dean released him. The elevator door opened again and Cas stepped out. Dean winked at him before the doors shut and separated them. Cas sighed both because his heart was fluttering like a love struck teenage girl and because he was exhausted. Okay maybe he was insane, dating a celebrity that was also his job.

"But what the hell" Cas figured. He was the happiest he had been in a long time.

Halfway through work Cas received a text from Dean. _"Hey I have a concert tonight. You wanna come?"_

Cas couldn't help but grin "Absolutely :). 

"Well you look happy." Balthazar grinned from behind his cubicle.

"Extremely" Cas grinned back. "Thank you for last night." Balthazar nodded and retreated behind his cubicle.

Cas's phone buzzed again. _"Awesome :). Just come backstage a little before the show. it's at 8."_

Cas typed back excitedly "Okay. see you then :)."

His phone buzzed again _"I love you :)"_

Cas chuckled. Grown man or not, Cas was like a lovestruck teenager. "love you too :)" work seemed to drag on forever, Cas checked his watch every fifteen minutes.

"Finally!" the work day ended, Cas grabbed his coat and rushed to the elevator.

"Hi Castiel!" Hannah yelled after Cas as he dashed past her. He whipped into his parking space and ran upstairs, he began rummaging through his closet.

"Ugh! what am i going to wear?!"Everything was still dirty. He looked over, there was a bag on his bed. "Woah." Cas pulled out a nice black button up shirt, a pinstriped vest with a hood, and a pair of nice blue jeans. There was a note at the bottom of the bag.

**_"Told you i would buy you some clothes. -Dean"_ **

Cas smiled. He slipped on the clothes Dean had gotten him. They weren't his usual style (not that he really had a style), they were kind of punky but they looked good on him. Cas slipped on an old pair of grey converses. He messed with his hair for a few minutes before deciding it was good enough. His door was still broken, Cas shut it the best he could and ran down the steps. He arrived at the arena around seven. Parking was just as annoying as last time, except this time he was in a hurry to Dean. After finally parking and blatantly ignoring a group of ticket scalpers, Cas headed to the lobby. He didn't have a ticket this time, Dean had neglected to tell Cas how he was going to get in. Cas pulled out his phone and started texting "Dean. How am i supposed to get in?" A few minutes passed, no answer. "Ugh..." Cas spotted a door that said "backstage entrance."

Cas's face lit up "Yes!" He ran towards the door, only to be stopped by an overly buff security guard.

"Woah woah. Where do you think your going?" The guard had a full foot over Cas.

"Um I'm going to see Dean." Wow, Cas couldn't believe how crazy that sounded.

"Uh huh" The guard grabbed Cas by the arm. "Time to go." He began to pull Cas away.

"No! Wait! Dean knows I'm coming! Let me go!" Cas struggled as hard as he could but this guy was a giant.

"Woah man it's alright." the guard whipped around. Dean had his hand on the guard's shoulder peering from under his favorite pair of aviators. "He's with me its okay." The guard released Cas. "Hes going to be around from now on. Make sure he has access at all times." Dean removed his hand. The large man just nodded and walked off.

"Whew." Cas sighed.

Dean chuckled "Come on Cas baby, before someone recognizes me and I get swarmed." Cas nodded and followed Dean through the backstage door. Walking side by side, Dean had his hands shoved in his pockets. Cas looked down, he wanted to hold Dean's hand but he knew he couldn't.

Dean swung the door to his dressing room open. "What the hell are you guys doing here?" There was a blonde man curled up in Sam's lap, petting his shaggy hair.

"Sam told me about your new boy toy and I wanted to meet him." The man crawled out of Sam's lap and walked toward Cas and began to examine him.

"Sammy..." Dean growled at his brother.

"Sorry Dean. Gabriel's my boyfriend. We tell each other everything."

Gabriel squinted hard at Cas, his eyes were almost a golden color. "He's pretty cute Dean, let me borrow him sometime." He patted Cas's head. This man made Cas uncomfortable.

A growl rose in Dean's throat "Gabriel either get back in my brother's lap or I'm going to remove what's in yours."

Gabriel pouted and crawled back on the couch, head in Sam's lap. "I'm happy for you Dean." Cas whipped around. The voice belonged to a skinny man with shaggy hair and a beard sitting in the corner with his nose in a book.

"THANK YOU Chuck. At least one of you animals has manners." Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder. "Can you guys get out now?"

Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. "Why Dean? Trying to get some fun in before the show?"

Sam smacked his lover in the back of his head. "Come on Gabriel, this is Dean's room. Let him be alone with Cas for a bit."

"But Sammmmmmm..." Gabriel whined as Sam forcibly dragged him from the room, Chuck quietly following behind.

Dean sighed in relief "Finally!" He collapsed on the couch. "Come here Cas baby." Dean patted his lap. Cas crawled into Dean's lap and kissed his cheek, it was a bit scruffy but Cas liked it.

"So is the bearded guy your drummer?" Cas tilted his head.

"Yeah" Dean chuckled. "Chuck is pretty quiet but one hell of a drummer." Cas nuzzled Dean's nose gently, lips grazing at each motion. "Cas baby..." Dean pressed his lip's gently against Cas's own. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, returning the kiss. Cas jumped as he felt Dean's hand graze the front of his jeans.

"Mmmm" Cas groaned through the kisses while Dean's hand continued to graze across him.

"Damn Cas..." Dean groaned "Doesn't take much for you to get turned on does it?"

Cas growled "Shut up Dean." He tugged at Dean's short hair as he kissed him passionately. Dean slid his hand down Cas's back and dug his nails into Cas's ass. "Ah!" Cas arched his back.

"Haha sensitive huh angel ass?" Dean smirked. He squeezed Cas tighter, causing him to moan louder.

"A-ah..s-shut up Dean..." Dean chuckled and began to nibble at Cas's neck.

"DEAN!" there was a loud banging at the door, It was a woman.

"Ugh fuck..." Dean groaned, releasing Cas's ass. "What?!" he screamed at the door.

"The show starts in ten minutes are you ready?!" The voice answered.

Dean sighed "Yeah just give me five minutes!" Cas unhappily crawled out of Dean's lap. "Ugh stupid concert..." Dean groaned as he fixed his hair in the mirror.

Cas stayed on the couch as he watched Dean get ready. Dean ran from one end of the room to the other, slipping on accessories as he went. Four bracelets and three changes of earrings later Dean was finally ready. "Ready to go Cas baby?" Dean reached his hand out. Cas nodded, taking Dean's hand. There was a woman standing outside the door, she was small, with fiery red hair, sporting a harry potter shirt.

"There you are!" The woman smacked Dean on the back of the head.

"Ow Charlie! Don't damage the merchandise!" Cas peered from behind Dean.

The girl smiled "Oh you must be Castiel!" the girl rummaged through a messenger bag slung over her shoulder. She pulled out a badge attached to a lanyard. "Here." She handed it to Cas.

"This is an unlimited pass. Good for every concert of Dean's ever." Cas took it and slid it over his head.

"Thanks" Cas examined the pass.

"No problem Kiddo." the girl grinned. "You're on in five Dean! go get em tiger!" Charlie punched Dean in the arm then skipped off.

"She's uh..eccentric..." Cas commented as Charlie skipped away.

"Charlie's our manager. Though she spends half her time hooking up with my groupies."

Cas looked up "I thought you didn't have guy groupies."

Dean chuckled "I don't."

Realization fell on Cas "Ohhh...that's cool." Dean laughed atthe comment.

"Dean!" Sam yelled down the hall. "We are going on come on!" Dean grabbed Cas by the arm, pulling him along.

"Oh shit! Come on Cas!" Cas could hear the roar of the crowd as they got closer to the stage. The crew was finishing setting up. Gabriel, Chuck and Sam were already on stage. "See ya in a bit Cas baby!" Dean waved as he ran out on stage. The roar of the crowd was over powering, Cas had to cover his ears. Dean raised a fist, taking the mic in his hand. His voice began to boom through the stadium, the crowd quieted a bit. This was a new song, Cas had never heard Dean sing it before.

_I'm an angel with a shotgun (shotgun, shotgun,_   
_An angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun)_

_Get out your guns, battles begun,_   
_Are you a saint, or a sinner?_   
_If loves a fight, than I shall die,_   
_With my heart on a trigger._

_They say before you start a war,_   
_You better know what you're fighting for._   
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_   
_If love is what you need, a soldier I will be._

_Dean's voice roared through the stadium. Almost over powering his fan's screams. He crossed the stage, running as full speed. enthusiasm and passion in every movement. Half way through the song Dean was soaked in sweat._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_   
_Fighting til' the wars won,_   
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._   
_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._   
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_   
_And I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight._

Dean turned to Cas during this part of the song. Green eyes completely focused on him. Cas was hidden behind a curtain at the edge of the stage. Dean seemed to stare at Cas forever, not losing focus on the lyrics. Eventually he had to break eye contact with Cas and storm about the stage again, grazing his fan's hands. When he went to Dean's first concert he stared at Dean because he was attractive. Now Cas stared because he was beautiful, passionate as he moved across the stage. Finally after the concert was over, Dean ran off the stage and pounced Cas.

"Dean!" Cas tried to shove him off before anyone saw.

Dean was soaked with sweat. "Sorry Cas baby." Dean released him. "Come on." Dean placed his hand on Cas's back. "I need a shower." They arrived at Dean's dressing room. "Ugh..." Dean groaned wrenching his shirt over his head. Cas couldn't help but stare as sweat ran down Dean's back. "I'm gonna go get a shower."

Cas blinked "Huh? Oh okay." Dean smiled and went into the other room. Cas looked around not really sure what to do.

"Ngh.." Cas heard a sound from the bathroom. Curious, he peeked through the slightly open door. "Oh fuck...Cas..." Dean groaned. Cas gasped, hand immediately covering his mouth. Dean was jerking off in the shower.

"Um Dean..." Cas pushed the door open. The moaning stopped, Dean slid the shower curtain open.

"Oh fuck...did I leave the door open?" Dean sighed.

"Um yeah..." Cas looked away, face red.

Dean chuckled "Come on Cas baby. We've already done it once. You're not embarrassed are you?" Dean teased. Cas crossed his arms, still not looking at Dean. A devilish grin spread across Dean's face. He grabbed Cas's arm he yanked him into the shower, clothes and all.

"Ah! What the hell Dean?!" Cas screamed, his clothes were soaked. Dean busted into laughter. "Its not funny Dean!" Cas pulled his soaked shirt off.

"Gotcha!" Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. Water ran on Dean's back, as he nuzzled Cas's shoulder. "You gonna take your pants off? Or is this you doing laundry?" Dean teased.

"That's a terrible insult Dean." Cas turned around, Dean grinned as the water dripped down his face. "Ugh fine..." Cas groaned, shucking off his pants and tossing them outside the shower. Dean pushed Cas's back against the shower wall, pinning him. "You left the door open on purpose didn't you? Cas groaned as Dean began to kiss down his neck.

"Mmhm." Dean answered, hands sliding toward Cas's ass. Cas rolled his eyes, gasping as Dean firmly grasped his ass. "God Cas, you have such a sensitive ass." Dean teased. He squeezed tighter, causing a loud moan the escape Cas's throat. Dean lifted Cas up with ease, Cas responded by wrapping his legs around Dean's waist. Dean's lips crashed into Cas's, hands gripping his ass tightly as he grinded against him.

"Ah fuck Cas..." Dean groaned.

"Mmnn..." Cas groaned in between the kisses, Feeling Dean grind against him. "Ah...fuck me Dean..." Cas begged, fingers clawing at Dean's slick back. Dean happily obliged. Dean gripped himself, he lifted Cas, slowly sliding into him.

"A-ahhh" Cas groaned as he felt Dean inside him.

"Wrap your arms around my neck." Cas obeyed, wrapping his arms firmly around Dean's neck. Dean leaned one hand against the shower wall, the other holding Cas up and he began to move his hips. Shower sex was more difficult than Dean had imagined but damn it was hot. His and Cas's slick bodies slid together as Dean rocked his hips. Cas began to claw at Dean's back, leaving red marks along it.

"Ah fuck...Cas..." Dean pumped as fast as he could without dropping Cas. Dean threw his head back, as he felt his muscles tense, cumming inside Cas. Cas's orgasm soon followed, covering Dean's chest with his own release. Both men panted as Dean's leg shook, trying not to drop Cas. Cupping both hands under Cas, he lifted him up and pulled out. Cas's legs gave out from under him, dropping him to the shower floor. Dean leaned against the wall, water still going.

"Oh fuck sorry Cas, i didn't mean to drop you." Dean panted.

Cas waved his hand dismissively. "Don't...worry about it..." Cas breathed. "Dean..." Cas looked up "I dont think I can get up..." Dean chuckled, sliding his arms under Cas.

"How many times and i going to pick you up out of the shower?" Dean chuckled as he carried Cas to the couch.

"ha...depends on if we do that again." Cas laughed as Dean sat him on the couch.

"I'm gonna get dressed, I'll find you something too." Dean rustled through a trunk by the door. He slipped on a pair of jeans and returned to Cas with a pair of blue jeans and an old AC/DC T-shirt. "Here." Cas took the clothes. After he was dressed, he struggled to keep the pants up, they were a little big on him.

"So do you have to work tomorrow?" Dean asked as he dried Cas's hair with a towel.

"Uh uh. I knew I was coming tonight so I convinced Naomi to give me the day off. She happily agreed when I said I was going to see you." Dean removed the towel from Cas's head.

"You wanna come to my place then?"

Cas looked up "Sure" he replied as he shook his wet hair.

"Awesome." Dean smiled. After getting dressed and borrowing a pair of Dean's boots they left the dressing room. Cas and Dean were ushered out of the arena by bodyguards, avoiding the cameras. Dean and Cas got in the Impala and drove off.

They arrived at Dean's in about forty-five minutes. Cas and Dean got out of the Impala, Cas shivered, his hair was still pretty damp. "Come on." Dean pulled Cas by his hand "I'm tired, let's go to bed."

Cas let Dean drag him up the front steps, then up the winding stair case. They entered a hall they turned into the second door. Dean let go of Cas's arm and proceeded to change into a pair of sweatpants. Dean's room was huge. Dark red walls were littered with old band posters. A black canopy bed rested in the middle of the room. Cas's eyes turned to the ceiling, a large crystal chandelier gleamed above him.

"You coming to bed?" Dean was already laying in the bed, waiting for Cas. Cas tore his eyes away from the gleaming chandelier and slipped his jeans off. He crawled into the bed with Dean. Cas snuggled up to Dean's chest as Dean wrapped his arms around him. Cas nuzzled Dean's warm chest

"I love you Dean." Dean ran his fingers through Cas's dark hair.

"I love you too Cas baby." Dean's fingers stopped moving as he fell asleep exhausted from the concert. Cas closed his eyes, snuggling up to Dean's chest as he dozed off.

 


	6. Bite me Dean. I'm an angel.

The sun gleaming through a nearby window burned Cas's eyes as he blinked them open. He heard a light snoring behind him. Cas turned his eyes to Dean, who was sleeping peacefully beside him. His mouth slightly agape while his muscular chest moved up and down slowly. Dean was cute when he slept. Cas had never noticed the freckles on Dean's face that were sprinkled all along his body.

"Mnnn..." Dean rolled over in his sleep, turning his back to Cas. Deciding to let him sleep, Cas crawled out of the bed and decided to explore the house. Quietly closing the door behind him, he proceeded down the hall. Dean's house was huge, two floors and an endless amount of hallways managed to get Cas lost.

"Does he really need all these rooms?" Cas commented before stopping at a door at the far end of the hall. Curious, Cas creaked the door open and flicked the switch on. It was an incredibly messy office. Papers strewn about, bookshelves littered with subjects from art to the supernatural. Cas spotted a photo on a nearby desk, he picked it up and began to examine it. It was a picture of a woman, Dean had never said anything about a woman in his life at all. She was beautiful, long blonde locks cascaded on her shoulders as bright blue eyes stood out.

"She's beautiful isn't she?"

Cas jumped at the voice, whipping around to see Dean leaning in the doorway. "I uh...sorry...I didnt mean to..." Cas trailed off. Dean stepped towards him, Cas backed up against the desk. Dean gently pulled the picture out of his hand and sat it back on the desk.

"She's my mother, Mary." Cas turned his eyes back to the photo. She did look a little like Dean, she had his light skin and bright eyes.

"She is beautiful. How come you've never mentioned her?" Cas turned back. Dean had a sadness in his eyes.

"She died a long time ago. I was four. Sammy was just a baby." Cas suddenly felt guilty. "oh...im sorry..."

Dean shook his head "Its alright Cas, it was a long time ago. come on lets go get breakfast." Dean left the room, Cas glanced back at the photo before following him. Dean was in his room getting dressed. "Here." Dean tossed Cas some fresh clothes.

Finally dressed, without a word Cas and Dean headed downstairs. They climbed in the impala and drove off. "Dean...where are we going?" Cas turned to him, Dean's eyes were focused on the road. A couple minutes passed before Dean answered

"To get breakfast."

Cas sunk in his seat. "Oh okay..." the car ride was silent, there was an unpleasant awkwardness in the car. A few minutes later the impala pulled into the parking lot of an old diner. After getting out and they were seated at a booth by a waitress who was entirely too peppy this early in the day. she brought them coffee and took their food order, then she disappeared in the kitchen. Dean hadnt spoken much since they had gotten up and it worried Cas. "Um Dean...are you okay?"

Dean, who was staring out the window, turned his attention to Cas. "Its alright Cas. I just...dont go in that office often." Cas quietly stirred his coffee.

"Im sorry Dean. I didnt mean to bring up bad memories." Dean shook his head, a slight smile directed towards Cas.

"its fine Cas you, didnt know. It was a long time ago." Cas rubbed his neck nervously. "Besides Cas. I have you and you make me happy. no matter my past." Dean continued, smile widening a bit.

Cas couldnt help but smile back. "Im glad your okay Dean. Im always here if you need me." Dean smiled but then rolled his eyes as two giggling girls approached them.

"Oh my god. are you Dean Winchester?!" the girls, one with short brown hair and the other with long blonde hair, continued to giggle. Dean flashed a movie star smile, always eager to please his fans.

"Why yes ladies i am. Nice to meet you."

The girls giggled like they were insane. "Can you sign this?" The brown haired girl pulled a notebook and pen out of her messenger bag and handed it to Dean.

"Absolutely." Dean smiled, scratching his name across the first page of the book.

"Squueee!" The girls screamed as Dean handed the notebook back.

"Now girls, shhhh...me being here is our little secret okay?" Dean winked at the girls. They nodded excited and quickly returned to their own table. They hadnt even noticed Cas sitting across the booth from Dean.

"Does that happen alot?" Cas sipped his coffee.

Dean turned to him and sneered "Aww are you jealous Cas baby?" Dean teased as he leaned across the table.

"N-no...im not..." Cas turned his head, face red.

"Aw you are." Dean teased as Cas continued to ignore him.

"Dont worry Cas, i have eyes only for you." Dean smiled, Cas couldnt ignore that beautiful smile. The waitress arrived with their food and the two men began to chow down. They spent the next couple of hours talking about their likes and dislikes. After finishing the meal, they paid their check and climbed back into the impala.

"So Cas baby, you have to day off. What do you want to do?" Cas buckled his seat belt and turned his attention to Dean.

"I dunno, i didnt have any plans obviously. What do you wanna do?"

Dean shrugged. "i dont care Cas baby, as long as i get to spend it with you."

Cas turned his attention to the window. "I dunno, we could..." Dean's phone started to ring, cutting Cas off. Dean flipped the phone open

"Hello?" a voice on the other side of the phone started

 _"Hey Dean baby! Wanna come on a double date with Sam and me?"_ it was Gabriel.

Dean turned to Cas "Gabriel wants to know if we wanna go on a double date with him and my brother."

Cas nodded "Sure. Sounds like fun." Dean turned back to his phone.

"Cas says its okay. Where are we going?"

Gabriel giggled over the phone. _"He got permission from his boy toy Sammy!"_ Gabriel yelled in the back ground.

"Gabriel..." Dean growled when he got irritated, Cas was not his toy.

 _"Haha sorry Dean, didnt mean to upset you. Meet us at the lake downtown in around noon. We are having a picnic!"_ Gabriel yelled excitedly before hanging up the phone.

"Hear that? Apparently we are going on a picnic." Dean turned to Cas.

"Sounds good to me." Cas shrugged. Finally pulling out of the parking lot of the diner, they headed down the road. They arrived at the lake about 11:30, Sam and Gabriel were sitting on the hood Sam's sleek black sports car.

"Hey guys." Sam waved, Gabriel attached to his hip.

"Hey Sammy." Dean waved back. "Its really empty here..." The parking lot was all but empty except for what Cas suspected belonged to a few park employees.

"Yeah its a weekday. Generally everyone is at work or school." Sam commented. "Gabriel and I go here all the time." Gabriel nuzzle his nose against Sam's shoulder.

"Mmmhmm. all the time." Gabriel purred, suggestion in his voice.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Anyways. Lets go sit by the lake and eat, we know of a pretty secluded spot so we shouldnt be bothered." pulling the picnic supplies out of Sam's trunk they headed to a shady spot on a far corner of the lake. It was beautiful day, warm, as the sun gleamed above. Gabriel was playing with Sam's hair, making tiny little braids. Cas and Dean munch down on ham sandwiches while sam looked at the water. Sam turned to Cas and Dean

"So get this. apparently we are going on the tonight show in a couple weeks."

Dean looked up, mouth full of sandwich "fweee arr?" Cas chuckled at dean, Sam rolled his eyes

"Swallow your food Dean and yes. We are."

Dean swallowed "Cool. Charlie didnt tell me though."

Sam shrugged "She didnt want to bother you with it."

Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Alright. Alright. She got caught up with a girl at the concert and has been uh...busy..."

Dean nodded "Sounds more like the Charlie i know." Cas looked on as Dean and his brother continued their conversation. Cas hadnt really seen Dean around his brother much. He was goofy and tended to joke alot more. This was pretty much the opposite of Dean's cool guy stage presence. Cas liked it, like he was seeing the real Dean.

Dean pulled out his phone to check the time, Gabriel promptly swiped it out of his hand. "Gabriel give that back!" Dean yelled, chasing as Gabriel as he ran off with his phone, leaving Cas alone with Sam.

"So how are things with my brother?" Sam took a sip from a bottled water.

"Um...pretty good. i think we kind of got into a fight this morning." Cas fiddled with his fingers.

Sam cocked an eyebrow. "Fight? About what?"

Cas scratched his head "Well not so much a fight. More an uncomfortable situation. I was exploring the house this morning and came across a picture of your mother."

Sam nodded "Mom has always been a sore subject for Dean. i was so little i dont remember her at all, but its really hard for Dean to talk about." Sam sat his drink down. "All i ever really knew about mom was what Dean told me. Which wasnt much. All we had was dad and he wasnt exactly a great dad."

Cas readjusted himself "I know. Dean told me about singing to you when you were kids. He said your dad scared you." Sam turned his attention back to the water.

"He told you bout that? Wow, he must really trust you." Did Dean really trust him that much? It was Cas's job to find out as much as he could about Dean, what if Naomi wanted more than Dean's musical inspiration?

"Sammmmmm..." Gabriel returned, darting behind his gigantic boyfriend. "Dean's trying to get me." Gabriel wined. Dean came jogging up, phone back in his hand.

"Dammit Sammy learn to control your little demon."

Gabriel stuck his tongue out. "Bite me Dean. Im an angel."

Dean sighed before collapsing on the ground next to Cas. "Dont be such a jerk Dean. Gabriel is just playful." Sam patted Gabriel.

"Shut up bitch." Dean panted, slightly out of breath from chasing Gabriel. Cas chuckled as Dean crawled into his lap.

"Dean are you sure thats okay? What if someone sees us?"

Dean groaned "Fuck it. Im comfy. Besides Gabriel is always all over Sammy anyways."

Sure enough Gabriel was in Sam's lap, arms wrapped around his neck. After about an hour or so Gabriel was trying to jump in the water, Sam trying to stop him. "So what did you and my brother talk about?" Dean looked up from Cas's lap.

"Hmmm? Oh not much. He asked how things were with us." Dean nodded, sitting up.

"i dont know how Sam puts up with dating that lunatic." Gabriel was now trying to strip his clothes off so he could jump in the lake. "Ugh...hes going to get us arrested." Dean stood up and headed over to help his bother wrestle Gabriel. It was a funny sight to see Dean chase after Gabriel, that excited energy that Dean showed at his concert shown through as he tackled Gabriel.

"Sammmm...let me go." Dean and Sam returned to Cas. Gabriel was slung over Sam's shoulder. "I think its time that i take this home." he patted Gabriel on the ass

"Sam put me downnnn." Gabriel whined, kicking and flailing.

"See ya later Sammy." Cas waved as Sam carried Gabriel to the car.

"Take a walk with me?" Dean held his hand out. Cas nodded, taking Dean's hand. Dean led Cas down an empty forest trail. Dean intertwined his fingers with Cas's own. Cas was nervous, what if someone saw them? Dean picked up on Cas's nervousness

"Don't worry Cas baby, we are in the woods and nobody is at the lake anyways." Dean smiled, Cas couldnt help but smile back.

"Its beautiful out here." Cas observed the beautiful trees and colorful flowers that littered the ground.

"It is." Dean nodded in agreement. "But not half as beautiful as you." Dean smirked. Cas blushed as he and Dean stopped in the middle of the trail. Pulling Cas's face to his Dean's emerald eyes stared into Cas's blue. Dean brushed his lips against Cas's own causing his heart to flutter. "I love you Cas baby." Dean smiled, hand brushing Cas's cheek.

"I love you too Dean." Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck kissing him passionately.

The next day Cas had to return to work. He didnt want to leave Dean but he had to go back. "Thank god its friday at least." Cas sighed as he collapsed in his desk chair. He planned to go back to Dean's after work anyways.

"So Cassy." Balthazar planted himself firmly on Cas's desk. "How was your week? Get any booty?" Balthazar grinned. Too happy to be irritated by Balthazar's comment, Cas smirked.

"I had a wonderful week thank you Balthazar. And yes I got laid if you must know."

Balthazar laughed. "Good, im happy for you Cassy." Balthazar perked up "Oh i almost forgot. Naomi wanted to see you when you got in." Cas tilted his head. Why did Naomi want to see him? Did he do something wrong? After heading up to the top floor he knocked on Naomi's office door.

"Come in." Naomi answered.

Cas entered the office shutting the door behind him. "Sit down Castiel." Cas obeyed, sitting in what had become his usual seat. "Castiel we have a problem. apparently somebody managed to get photos of Dean Winchester." Naomi pushed a stack of photos forward. Cas picked them up, his eyes widened.

"Oh shit..." They were of him and Dean. Where they had been kissing on the trail yesterday. fortunately the photographer hadnt managed to get Cas's face but you could definitely tell Dean was Dean.

"Where did these come from?" Cas set the photos face down.

"A rival news station, apparently he has a sweetheart that nobody knows about. I had to pay quite a few people off to get these photos." Cas's heart sank but he tried not to show it.

"So who is the person in the photos with him?" Cas tried to pretended to not know much.

"We dont know. We also cant tell if its a guy or a girl actually. The pictures arnt good quality, like they were taken through bushes." Naomi tapped her nails. "This is a problem Castiel. We are supposed to have Dean Winchester exclusively. Tell him he needs to be more careful." Cas nodded.

"I will." Cas stood up, he really couldnt be in here right now. "Dont let me down Castiel." Naomi commented as he headed out the door.

"Fuck!" Cas slammed his hand into the break room wall.

"Whats wrong mate?" Balthazar was in the middle of getting coffee.

"Sorry Balthazar, i didnt see you." Cas sighed as he collapsed in a nearby chair.

"What happened? Are you fired?" Cas buried his face in his hands.

"No i wish i was though. Dean and i went on a date yesterday and someone had snapped photos of us kissing."

Balthazar patted his friend's back. "Oh fuck im sorry mate. Could they tell it was you?"

Cas shook his head. "No but it was such a close call, this is dangerous Balthazar. I knew that but i fell in love with him anyways." Cas groaned then his eyes began to water.

"Dont worry about it Cassy." Balthazar rubbed his friends back. "If you love the guy so much the to hell with what other people think." Cas looked up wiping his eyes.

"I just dont want to ruin his life Balthazar."

The older man felt so sorry for his friend. "Look Cassy. You wont ruin his life. He loves you. You love him. Thats all that should matter." Cas sniffed.

"Maybe you're right Balthazar. I need to talk to him though. See if we can sort this out." Balthazar ruffled Cas's shaggy hair.

"Thats the spirit Cassy. Cheer up." Balthazar stood up and returned to his desk. Cas groaned as he felt his phone go off.

It was Dean. _"Hey Cas baby. You still coming over tonight?"_ Cas texted back, heart heavy.

"Yeah."

Buzzing again. _"Are you okay?"_

Cas sighed. "Im fine Dean. ill see you tonight." Cas's phone vibrated again.

_"I love you :3"_

Cas sniffed and quickly typed back "love you."

Fuck, how was he going to approach Dean about this? Cas struggled mentally to get back to his desk, unable to focus on work. "Should i stay with Dean?" Cas groaned as he tugged at his hair. "I dont want to hurt him." Cas laid his arms on his desk and buried his face. He would have to talk to Dean tonight, make a decision. It hurt and Cas didnt want to hurt. He loved Dean and he needed to do what was best. No matter what it was.


	7. Stay put

Work went by faster than Cas wanted it to. He dreaded seeing Dean. Dreaded telling him what happened. Most of all Cas dreaded what he might have to do. Sighing with a heavy heart, he limply knocked on Dean's door. Dean opened the door, a smile across his face.

"Cas baby, welcome home!" Dean embraced Cas, he didn't return the gesture, arms hanging limp. "Cas baby, are you alright?" Dean pulled back, concern on his face.

"Can we go inside and talk?" Cas couldn't look Dean in the eye. Dean nodded. He grabbed Cas's hand, pulling him into the living room. This hurt even more, Dean's hand in his. Both men sat on the couch, Cas was silent while Dean's expression became even more worried.

"Cas baby. Whats wrong?" Cas sighed

"Dean i..." Cas choked on his words, fighting back tears. "Cas baby please talk to me." Dean begged, hands holding Cas's face. "Whats wrong?" Cas sniffed and his words barely escaped his throat

"Dean we...have to break up..." Cas pushed Dean's hands away. Dean sat there, mouth agape like he had been slapped across the face.

"B-break up? What do you mean? Did i do something wrong?" Dean looked like he was about to cry.

"No Dean you didnt do anything wrong...we just cant be together..." Cas stood up. He had to leave before he changed his mind.

"Dammit Cas wait!" Dean grabbed his arm, refusing to let Cas go. "I want a damn explanation! Why?!" a sadness rested in Cas's eyes, a sadness that said: let me go. Dean released Cas, watching him walk out the door. Dean was frozen to the couch. Had this really happened? Did Cas just leave him? With no explanation? After hearing Cas's car start and speed out of the driveway, Dean collapsed on the couch. Face buried in his arms.

"Holy hell, Cassy?!" Cas stood in Balthazar's doorway, slumped in his friends arms. Balthazar dragged his friend to the couch and laid him down.

"Cassy what happened?!" Cas blinked his eyes open, the were bloodshot and swollen from crying.

"We broke up Balthazar. We broke up." Cas panted, eyes watering again.

"That son of a bitch!" Balthazar stood up, ready to go kick Dean's ass.

"Balthazar wait..." Cas grabbed his friend's sleeve. "I broke up with HIM." Balthazar's blue eyes darted back to Cas.

"You what? Why? I thought you loved him."

"I do Balthazar. Thats why i had to end it. Before i ruined his life and his image." Cas released his sleeve.

Balthazar clenched his fists "Fuck his life and his image. He made you happy Cas. Now look at what not being with him is doing to you already!"

Cas rolled over. "Ive made up my mind Balthazar. We're done. Both our lives can go back to normal." Cas sniffed, burying his face in his arm.

"Dammit Cassy, please think this through." Balthazar pleaded.

"I have Balthazar now drop it." Cas's voice cracked from anger. Balthazar sighed, realizing he wasn't going to get through to Cas right now.

"You can stay here as long as you want okay?" He patted his friends shoulder. 

"Thank you." Cas closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Dean kicked a nearby trashcan, slinging it into the wall. "Dean calm down!" Sam pleaded as Dean continued to fling things across the room. Eventually the gigantic younger Winchester had to wrestle his brother to the ground.

"Dean!" Unable to escape the head lock Sam had him in, Dean finally calmed down. Sam released his brothers neck. Dean sputtered trying to catch his breath. Sam sat his brother down, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Now Dean. Tell me exactly what happened."

Dean sighed "i dont know Sammy. He came over after work and just dumped me alright!" Dean raised his voice again, but at least he wasnt flinging things anymore.

"Thats it? He didnt say why?" Sam looked on at his frustrated brother.

"No. Not a single damn word. Just dumped my ass and left."

Sam patted his brother's shoulder. "He had to have had a good reason Dean. He loved you." Dean pushed Sam's hand away.

"The hell he did. If he loved me he would have told me why he left." Dean stomped his foot, burying his face in his hands. "I loved him Sammy. I really did. I dont want to feel this anymore." Dean stood up, grabbing his jacket.

"Dean where are you going?" Dean shucked his leather jacket on.

"Out." He headed out the door, tires of the impala screeching away.

"Dammit Dean..." Sam sighed. A few hours passed before Dean returned. He looked like he had just run ten marathons then gotten beaten up.

"Dean!" Sam caught his brother before he collapsed to the floor. Slinging his brother over his shoulder, Sam carried him upstairs. "Come on Dean." Sam pulled Dean's jacket off before laying him on the bed. "What the hell is that?!" Sam yelled. There were small red puncture marks all over Deans arms.

"Drugs Sammy." Dean rolled over.

"Drugs? Are you fucking kidding me Dean?!" Sam rolled his brother back over. "Isnt that a bit of an over reaction?! Youve been clean for years and now this?!"

When they had first started the band, Dean had a real problem with drugs. He was so caught up in the band party lifestyle at first that he put anything into his body. Crack. Meth. Dean didnt care. He was too busy enjoying being free from their dad. Sam watched over his brother all night, hoping that he hadnt overdosed.

* * *

 

Weeks passed. Cas used every sick or vacation day he had saved up over the past couple of years. He stayed at Balthazars most of the time. Rarely went outside and refused to eat. Balthazar looked on as his best friends condition worsened. Cas had lost a lot of weight, he was scruffy and his hair was getting beyond shaggy.

"Cassy?" Balthazar leaned over his friend. "Do you wanna go somewhere today? My treat." Cas shook his head. Balthazar sighed. He tried at least four times a week to get Cas off the couch, but he refused to budge.

"Wanna watch TV together?" Balthazar asked, hoping to get Cas involved in something.

"Sure." Cas sat up. Balthazar sat beside him, Cas leaned on his shoulder. Balthazar clicked on the TV.

"So Mr.Winchester..."

Cas perked up. It wasnt Dean on the TV, it was Sam. They were on the tonight show, Cas had completely forgotten.

"Oh sorry Cassy. Ill turn it." He raised the remote to change the channel, but Cas halted his hand. The TV host continued

"Where is you brother Dean tonight?" Cas scanned the tv. Chuck and Gabriel were sitting to Sam's left but Dean was nowhere to be found.

"Oh Dean has been a little under the weather lately. He should be back soon though."

Dean was sick? Cas sat up, eyes focused on the screen.

"Well we all certainly hope him a speedy recovery and well wishes." The host commented before asking Sam questions about next years tour.

"Dean's sick?" Cas tilted his head, concerned.

"Cassy what ever you are thinking...dont." Balthazar started intently at his friend.

"Well thank you for the interview, Sam, Gabriel and Chuck. We certainly hope Dean gets better. Have a good night everybody!"

The younger Winchester disappeared from the stage as the credits started rolling.

"i have to go see him." Cas tried to stand up but couldnt, he was too weak.

"No Cassy. Stay put." Balthazar held his friend's shoulder. Cas's phone started to buzz. He looked at the caller ID "Dean", he flipped it open immediately.

"DEAN?!" Cas yelled into the phone.

"Castiel?" it was Sam. "Oh good Castiel it is you. Its me Sam, Dean's brother."

Cas nodded "I know. Whats wrong? I saw the show just now. Dean's sick?!" Cas panicked.

"Well not sick per-say." Sam answered. "Hes gotten into some stuff Castiel...drugs...really heavy drugs." Cas's heart sank.

"Is he alright?" Cas had to know. "I wouldnt say alright but he is alive. You breaking up with him hit him pretty hard." Cas dropped his shoulders. He was trying to spare Dean problems and pain not cause them.

"Is he at home? Can i see him?" Cas asked quietly. There was a silence then Sam finally answered.

"Maybe. He's pretty messed up Castiel. Seeing you will either kill him or fix everything. I dont know." Sam paused. "If you do decide to see him. Only do that if you plan to take him back. Other wise it WILL kill him."

Cas couldnt breathe. What could he do? He missed Dean so much. Could they really be together again after going through this pain?

"Im going over there. Thank you Sam." Cas hung up the phone.

"Cassy what the hell do you think your doing? You're in no condition to drive!" Cas grabbed his keys, rushing towards the door. Cas felt a yank on his arm, he turned around

"I love him Balthazar and if he does die, im sure as hell not going to let him die alone." Balthazar released Cas's arm, letting him go.

Cadillac whipping into Dean's driveway, Cas stumbled out of the car. He was still pretty weak. Dean's house was unlocked, Cas opened the door slowly. "Dean?" he whispered. Cas became dizzy as he started up the winding staircase to Dean's room. He hesitantly creaked the door open. Dean's room was a mess. clothes strewn about, Cas even spotted a few needles littering the floor.

"Oh Dean..." Cas whimpered, hand over his mouth. Dean was leaning against his bed, hopefully only unconscious, a needle sticking out of his arm. Cas almost busted into tears as he rushed toward Dean. He pressed an ear against Dean's chest. Thank god, he was still breathing. Dean was pale, he looked like he had lost more weight than Cas and hadnt shaved in weeks. Cas slowly slid the needle out of Dean's arm, causing Dean to wake with a start.

"What the fuck." Dean groaned, not entirely aware of his surroundings.

"Dean!" Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close

. "Cas?" Dean uttered with great effort. "What are you doing here?" Cas squeezed Dean tighter.

"Im sorry Dean. Im so so sorry. This is my fault." Cas began to cry as he held Dean close.

"Cas..." Dean started before his head collapsed on Cas's shoulder.

"Dean?! Dean!" Cas shook him lightly, trying to wake him up. It was no use, Dean was out cold.

"Oh fuck." Sam was standing in the doorway, Gabriel and Chuck behind him.

"Sam..." Cas choked out..."Help..." He clutched Dean tighter.

"Cas let go. ill take him to the hospital but we have to hurry." am rested a hand on his shoulder. For a moment Cas didnt move. Finally relaxing his grip he let go of Dean, Sam leaned in and picked his brother up.

"We have to hurry." Sam rushed down the stairs, Dean in his arms. "Come on." Gabriel patted Cas's shoulder reassuringly. The ride to the hospital was painful. Sam, Gabriel, and Chuck were in the front seat of the impala. Cas was sitting in the back, Dean's head resting in his lap. Dean was breathing at least. They were labored breaths, Chest heaving as he struggled to breathe.

The four men rushed Dean into the ER where he was immediately rushed to intensive care. All Cas, Sam, Chuck and Gabriel could do was wait. Hours passed. Gabriel was asleep in Sam's lap. Chuck trying hard to focus on a magazine. But as, Cas was exhausted. The nurses insisted that Cas been seen too. He wasnt exactly a picture of health himself. Cas declined, the nurses wernt too happy but finally let him be. He paced the floor, becoming dizzy. He ignored it and sat down.

"Here" Sam handed Cas a bag of chips from the vending machine. "I can tell you havent eaten in days." Cas nodded, taking the chips, eating them handfuls at a time. "I guess the break up hit you pretty hard too." Sam felt Gabriel shift in his lap.

"Yeah it did. Im more worried about Dean than me though." Cas stopped eating.

"Why did you? Break up i mean?" Sam patted Gabriel's hair.

"i didnt want to screw up his image. Us dating could have messed up his career." Cas sighed.

"Bullshit." Cas looked up at Sam "Thats bullshit Castiel. Gabriel and i are together. We've never said it outright but everyone has guessed and we are fine."

Cas was surprised by Sam's response. "Look Castiel. Dean loves you. So much that it drove him to this." Sam continued.

Cas flinched. This was really all his fault? Was Dean this in love with him? Cas's heart sank with guilt. "Im sorry Sam. I didnt mean to hurt Dean like this." Sam patted Cas's shoulder.

"Its alright man. I forgive you. Just be good to him from now on okay?"

Cas nodded. A nurse entered the waiting room and turned to the group of worried men. "Hes out of immediate danger. You can see him now."

Sam patted Cas's shoulder. "You go see him first. I insist." Cas nodded and followed the nurse down the hall. They turned into the third door on the left.

Dean was hooked up to a few machines. IV rested in his left arm, tubes up his nose. Dean panted and laughed at the same time. "H-hey Cas baby." He manged a weak smile.

"Oh Dean..." Cas crossed the room as the nurse left shutting the door behind him. "Oh Dean im so so sorry Dean...i did this to you." Cas grabbed Dean's hand, squeezing it lightly.

"No Cas baby...unh..." Dean readjusted. "I did this to me. I should have handled this better." Cas's eyes watered. "i do...have to know..." Dean struggled to speak. "Why you left?"

Cas sighed, sitting on the bed beside Dean. "I had to Dean. remember that date we went on with Sam and Gabriel?" Dean nodded, Cas rubbed his hand. "Well when we were kissing in the trail...someone snapped some photos of us." Dean sat up, focusing more on Cas.

"Well Naomi showed them to me. She got them from a rival news station. You couldn't tell it was me. But your face was clearly visible." Cas paused "Dean i didnt want to chance ruining your image, so i left. I knew this was dangerous."

Dean smacked the back of Cas's head "You're a moron Cas. i told you i didnt care about my image. I care about you. I love you Cas."

Cas looked up, Dean was smiling. He missed Dean's smile so much. "I love you too Dean." He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. "Im so so sorry." Dean patted his head.

"Its okay Cas. i forgive you. You had the best intentions" Cas sobbed into Dean's shoulder.

"Ahem" Gabriel cleared his throat. He, Sam and Chuck were standing in the doorway. Dean released Cas, who rubbed his slightly teary eyes.

"Made it through Dean?" Sam started toward his brother.

"I aint dead yet Sammy." Dean chuckled.

"How long will you be here?" Dean turned his attention to Cas. "A few days. You got to me just in time Cas. Thank you." Dean smiled.

Cas couldn't be more relieved. "Thank God. Ill stay with you till you get out okay?"

Dean nodded "What about work?" Cas kissed Dean lightly. Gabriel gagged in the background, Sam smacked him upside the head.

"To Hell with Naomi. Im staying here with you."

Dean smiled "Wouldn't have it any other way Cas baby." He sat up more and gently pressed his lips against Cas's.

"WELL!" Gabriel clapped his hands together, interrupting the moment. "Sammy and i must be going before i puke my guts out. Come on Chuck." The two men followed Gabriel, Sam waving at his brother as he ducked under the door. Cas turned back to Dean, he had fallen asleep.

Cas kissed Dean's forehead, "Good night Dean." Cas curled up in a chair next to Dean's bed. He fought sleep for a while, carefully watching over Dean as he slept. Cas slide his hand over Dean's lightly, wrapping his fingers gently around it. Finally Cas fell asleep, fingers intertwined with Dean's.

 


	8. What kind of pie?

The next few days with Dean were rough. Cas spent his week in Dean's room in the hospital. Ignoring his phone and watching over his sick lover. He had multiple missed calls from both Naomi and Balthazar. Eventually he turned his phone off, he refused to leave Dean's side. Dean had sweat inducing nightmares, constantly thrashing in his sleep. Dean's life was no longer threatened, at least not immediate. However Dean had been regularly putting harsh drugs into his body and was fighting withdrawal. Every time Dean had a fit, Cas would crawl into the bed with him and hold him until Dean calmed down.

Once the doctors decided Dean's condition was stable enough, he was discharged from the hospital. Sam had brought Dean some fresh clothes and after he was dressed, they headed toward the front door. Dean was still fairly weak and had to lean on Cas for support. "Oh shit.'" Cas groaned.

There were news vans and reporters littering the parking lot of the hospital. Cas wasn't sure how they found out Dean was here. Sick as he was, Dean didn't need this irritation right now. Sam was standing at the front door, ready to usher Cas and Dean through the crowd. The moment the three men stepped outside they were swarmed.

"Dean!" A woman shoved a microphone in Dean's face, Cas's blood began to boil. "We heard your brother say you were sick last week. What was wrong? Do you have cancer? Or is it drugs?" Dean only groaned in response, putting more weight on Cas.

"Get out of here you harpy!" Cas swatted her microphone away. The woman looked offended then shoved the microphone is Cas's face this time. Cas was ready to start swinging.

"And just who are you sir? A friend of Dean's?" the woman stood her ground, waiting for an answer.

"none of your god damn business! Dean's still sick, move the fuck out of the way!" The woman stepped back, mouth agape. Sam stepped in front of the two men, using his large stature to shove past a group of men with flashing cameras. After clearing the group of reporters, they reached the impala.

"Hey Baby..." Dean mumbled weakly, fingers grazing the hood of the car. Cas laid Dean down in the back seat, the reporters somehow had the nerve to approach the Impala. Cas whipped around, bright blue eyes smoldering with anger. The group of reporters took a step back, almost in unison. Cas and Sam climbed into the Impala and drove off.

They arrived at Dean's house, Cas pulled him out of the car. Dean had an arm slung over Cas's shoulder. Cas looked back, making sure there was nobody behind them. He dared those reporters to show their fucking faces here.

"Mnnn...Cas..." Dean groaned. Cas snapped back to reality.

"Oh right. Sorry Dean..." Sam unlocked the door, helping Dean and Cas into the house.

"You want me to carry him upstairs Castiel?" Sam closed the door behind them.

Cas shook his head "No I've got him he's not as heavy..." Cas trailed off "As he...used to be." Sam nodded but followed Cas and Dean upstairs anyways. After stripping Dean's clothes off, Cas laid him in the bed.

"You need anything Dean?" Cas petted Dean's head. Sam was standing in the doorway, looking in.

"Uh uh..." Dean paused "Can you lay with me for a bit?" Cas nodded. He heard the door shut behind him, Sam had left. Cas crawled into the bed, interlocking his fingers with Dean's.

"How are you feeling?" Cas asked as Dean rested his head on his shoulder.

"Like crap." Dean sighed. Cas chuckled

"Heh I bet." He wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close.

"I'm really sorry Cas. To make you worry like that." Dean snuggled to his lover's chest.

"It's alright Dean. I kind of drove you to it." Cas felt Dean shake his head.

"No you didn't Cas, you only broke up with me. I reacted badly."

Cas patted Dean's hair. "None of that matters now. Let's just focus on getting you better okay?" Dean nodded in agreement.

That night was rougher than the ones at the hospital. Any time Dean had a fit the doctors could drug him, calming him down while Cas held him. Tonight however, Cas was in the bed with Dean as he flailed wildly. Cas could have sworn Dean never fought him this hard. He held Dean tight, trying to calm him down. Dean was only half asleep when these fits happened. Unfortunately Dean was thrashing so hard that Cas couldn't hold him, leading to Dean knocking a fist right into Cas's eye.

"Fuck..." Cas grasped his right eye. Dean was unaware of what he had done and continued to thrash until he was worn out. Cas sighed. Hopefully that would be the only fit tonight. Cas winced as he closed his eyes, falling asleep. He sat up the next morning and rubbed his eyes.

"Fuck...ow..." He had forgotten about getting punched last night. Dean continued to snooze, finally looking peaceful. Cas headed to the bathroom and examined his eye. "Dammit." Dean had gotten him good. A nice purple and black shiner decorated Cas's face now. Cas whipped around when he heard a loud banging downstairs.

"Dean!" Cas rushed out of the bathroom. "Oh thank God..." Dean was still conked out in the bed, snoring quietly. The banging continued downstairs. "What the hell?" Cas started down the stairs. The source of the noise was someone banging on the front door. Was it Sam? No. Sam had a key. Cas swore if it was a reporter (like he wasn't one himself) he was going to kick their ass. He flung the door open, ready for a fight. It wasn't a reporter. It was Balthazar.

"Cas!" Balthazar flung his arms around Cas's neck, hugging him.

"I was so worried about you, you twit!" Balthazar pulled back. "Why haven't you been answering your phone? Naomi..." Balthazar paused, his expression turned grim. "Cassy...what happened to your eye mate?"

Cas grazed his injured eye with his fingers. "Uh...well..." Cas tried to think of an explanation.

"Did Dean hit you?" Balthazar's expression darkened. Cas couldn't think of a single thing to say, he stood there dumbstruck. "He did! That son of a bitch! I swear I'm gonna..." Cas heard a noise behind him.

"Cas?" Dean rubbed his eyes. "What's going on?" Dean stepped down the final step of the staircase. Balthazar lunged at Dean, both men falling to the ground.

"Balthazar! Stop!" Cas screamed as Balthazar punched Dean across his jaw.

"You son of a bitch!" Balthazar roared "How dare you hit Castiel?!" Dean flung his arms up, trying to protect him self.

"What do you mean? I didn't hit him!"

Balthazar punched Dean again. "Bullshit! Look at his face!" Cas yanked Balthazar off Dean.

"Cas what is he..." Dean trailed off, spotting Cas's black eye. "Oh my God...did I do that?" Dean stood up and walked towards Cas. It took every ounce of respect for his friend that Balthazar had not to jump Dean again. "When did I..." Dean lightly touched the bruise, Cas flinched in response.

"It's alright Dean. You accidentally did it in your sleep."

Dean's shoulders dropped. "Oh my God...Cas...I'm so sorry..." Dean hesitantly pressed a hand against Cas's cheek.

Cas smiled "It's fine Dean. It was an accident." Balthazar was still fuming off to the side, unsure of what he should do.

Dean started to tear up. "Cas...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." Cas pulled Dean in, resting Dean's head on his shoulder.

"Dean I'm fine. It was an accident." Cas turned his attention to Balthazar. "I'm fine Balthazar. Dean's just recovering from his addiction. He thrashes in his sleep." Cas patted Dean's head as the man sniffed into his shoulder.

Balthazar sighed. "Cassy...i know that you love him but..."

Cas raised a hand. "I do love him Balthazar. I'm not going to leave him to fight this alone. This is because of me." Cas entirely blamed himself for Dean's condition.

Balthazar opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He walked toward Cas, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Cas please promise me...if you need help you'll call me." Cas nodded, wrapping his arms around Dean. Balthazar removed his hand, sighing as he headed out the front door.

"Come on Dean." Cas patted the sobbing man's back. "Ill make you breakfast." Cas pulled Dean into the kitchen and sat him at the table.

Cas was making eggs, humming what Dean recognized as an old Beatles song. Cas seemed content, like what happened didn't just really happen. Dean couldn't take his eyes off Cas's bruise.

"Cas..." Dean mumbled.

Castiel looked up from the pan. "Hmmm?"

Dean sighed "Are you sure that it's safe for you to stay here?"

Cas turned his attention back to the eggs. "Im fine Dean. I keep telling you it was just an accident." Cas turned back to Dean and smiled. "I'm a big boy Dean. I can handle myself." Dean chuckled as

Cas plated the eggs. "Sorry it's just eggs. Your fridge is pretty empty."

Dean shook his head. "Its fine Cas, thank you." Dean smiled, the smile disappeared when he looked at Cas's eye again.

"Hey Cas. Actually would you mind picking up some groceries?" Dean had to get Cas out of the house, he couldn't bear to look at the bruise.

"Sure. I'm staying here a while anyways, we need food." After a silent breakfast, Cas changed clothes and headed for the door.

Dean stood in the doorway. "Bye Cas baby." Dean leaned over Cas, kissing him gently. Cas smiled through the kiss.

"Don't do anything stupid okay Dean?"

The emerald eyed man chuckled. "I wont." Cas nodded and headed for his now dusty Cadillac. Dean waved out the window as Cas pulled out of the driveway.

"Should I get Dean something special?" Cas stood in the bakery of the grocery store. He surveyed the row of various kinds of pie. "Hmmm I don't know which one he would like best." Eventually he decided on apple, Dean had once mentioned he liked apple pie. At the check out line, Cas was loading the groceries onto the conveyor belt.

"Hey..." the cashier examined Cas. "I know you from somewhere..."

Cas shook his head. "You must be mistaken."

The cashier narrowed her eyes. "Oh! you're that guy that was with Dean Winchester when he came out of the hospital!" The girl yelled a little too loudly.

Cas sighed "fuck..." he mumbled.

"Is he okay? Are you friends? When's he going to start touring again.?" Cas found this girl beyond annoying.

"Can you just ring up my items please?" The girl huffed. Ringing Cas's groceries up a little rougher than she usually would. After loading the groceries into the car, his phone rang in his pocket.

"Hello?" A voice screamed on the other side of the phone.

"Castiel!" It was Naomi. "Where the hell have you been?! And why were there photos of you coming out of the hospital with Dean Winchester?!"

Cas had to hold the phone a few inches from his ear. "None of your damn business Naomi!" Cas screamed into the phone.

"Castiel! Dont you dare talk to me like that! You come to my office right now or you're fired!"

Cas growled. "Fine. Fucking fire me! I don't care!" he hung up, shoving the phone back into his pocket. He tried to ignore the conversation, focusing on Dean. He really hoped Dean liked the pie.

Cas pulled into Dean's driveway. Groceries in hand, Cas struggled with the handle before pushing the door open. A crash came from the den. Cas dropped the groceries immediately, rushing to the room. It was in a chaos, everything strewn about, flatscreen TV shattered.

"Dean!" Dean's hand was bloody, glass from the television screen embedded in it. "Oh Dean..." Cas approached Dean carefully, reaching a hand out slowly.

"Get away from me Cas!" Dean swung his uninjured arm into Cas, knocking him into a nearby table.

"Guh..." Cas gripped his shoulder, it had hit the corner of the table. Dean was panting like a wild animal, growling rumbling in his throat. The withdrawal was hitting him really hard, making him violent. Dean unclenched his fist, fury disappearing from his eyes.

"Aghhh..." Cas groaned, gripping his injured shoulder. Dean turned his attention to Cas.

"Oh my God...Cas..." Dean looked down at his injured lover, realizing what he had just done. Dean squatted down, afraid to touch Cas.

"Ngh..." Cas groaned as he rotated his shoulder. Thank god it wasn't dislocated but it still hurt like hell.

"Cas...I..." Dean started. Cas forced a smile, trying not to worry Dean.

"I'm fine Dean. I just fell."

Dean shook his head "No you didn't. I hit you again didn't i?"

Cas stood up, holding his shoulder. "It's fine Dean, you didn't know you were doing it." Cas grunted.

"Cas I'm sorry..." It felt like the millionth time Dean had apologized.

"It's not your fault Dean. Come here" Cas released his shoulder and held his arms out to Dean. Cas didn't want to admit how much it hurt to raise his arm. Dean stood there, unmoving as he stared at Cas with his arms open wide. Dean didn't want to touch Cas again, he didn't want to hurt him again.

"Dean...please." Cas winced as he opened his arms wider. "Come here." Giving in, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, holding him close.

"Do you forgive me?" Dean squeezed tighter. Cas flinched, his shoulder still hurt. "Of course I do Dean. Don't worry, I'm here for you. We can get through this together."

Cas and Dean stood there for what seemed like forever. Wrapped in the others arms, not wanting to let go. Cas decided right then and there, no matter how rough it got, he was going to be there for Dean. Not matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story is now on am undetermined length hiatus. it's currently.my least popular story so I'm putting it on hiatus to focus on my more popular other ongoing story. apologies to anyone who was following this story. I may pick it back up later.


	9. Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an update. thats weird right? its been like...5 months i think? Sorry about that guys my brain writes when it wants to lol.

Dean's temper got worse and he thrashed more in his sleep. It was like when he had the fits he didn't know who he was and once he calmed down he had realized what he had done. He apologized to Cas over and over and his lover just smiled through a busted lip telling Dean that everything was going to be okay. Dean was currently on the bed, face buried in his hands.

"Cas. I think you should leave."

"What?!" Castiel dropped the first aid kit that he was holding, he was getting a bandage from where Dean had knocked him into a glass table. "No Dean. I can't leave you. Not with you like this."

"I just keep hurting you! Why the fuck are you staying?!" Dean raised his voice and Castiel didn't even flinch. Dean didn't scare him, and he knew that none of this was Dean's fault.

"Because I love you." Castiel ignored his bleeding hand and pressed his forehead to Dean's. "We are getting through this. Together. Dean I'm made of stronger stuff than you think and a few bruises are worth you not dying alone." Dean sighed and pressed his forehead harder against Castiel's.

"I'm a fucking monster Cas. I just black out and don't ever remember hurting you until it's all over. What if one day I kill you?"

"You won't" Castiel pulled Dean into a tight hug. "Look I think we need to get you some real help. Maybe at a rehab center." Castiel felt Dean nod against his shoulder. "I'm going to talk to Sam and Gabriel and we are going to get you better Dean. I promise."

"Okay." Dean mumbled.

* * *

"Jesus Castiel. You look like shit."

"Thanks Sam." Castiel huffed as Sam stepped inside the house. He had completely moved in with Dean after Naomi fired him. With no job he wasn't able to keep his apartment and he didn't trust Dean to be alone anyways. The two retreated to the kitchen where Cas poured Sam a cup of coffee, then one for himself.

"Thanks." The younger Winchester took the cup. "Where's Dean?"

"He's upstairs asleep." Castiel paused as he sat down. "I'm worried about him Sam, he hasn't been sleeping because he's terrified he is going to hit me in his sleep then he just loses his temper because of lack of sleep and it happens anyways."

"I know I shouldn't say this because he's my brother but I think you should leave him." Castiel was becoming tired of that suggestion.

"I'm not leaving him Sam. I'm going to get him help." Castiel huffed.

"Castiel look at yourself. You are bruised and beaten all over, you don't have to do this."

"I'm not abandoning him Sam." Castiel snapped. "I'm going to find him professional help and I'm going to get _my_ Dean back." Sam just nodded in agreement and they spent the afternoon looking up rehab centers and trying to get Dean some help.

"Babe are you sure about this? What if rehab doesnt work?" Dean was packing a bag to take with him to the rehab center about eight hours away.

"Then we are going to keep trying." Castiel growled out as he helped Dean pack.

"Cas." Castiel looked up to see Dean's face barely two inches from his own. "Thank you." He placed a kiss so gentle and tender that Castiel almost cried. "I'm going to get better and I promise i am never going to hurt you again." Castiel nodded into Dean's shoulder, he was determined to get Dean better and back to the way he was.

* * *

Dean was at rehab for two weeks. Castiel's bruises were healing well ever since Dean left, but there was something about sleeping without Dean, thrashing or not that made his sleeping worse. He had gotten so used to that beautiful broken man beside him that sleeping was impossible. Dean called him once a day after his therapy was over to let him know how he was doing.

_"Hey babe."_

"Hello Dean, how is everything?"

_"It's going really well, I've stopped blacking out and having fits in my sleep. The doctors prescribed me some mood elevators and said I should be home tomorrow night."_

"That's great Dean." Castiel smiled as he plated a slightly burnt grilled cheese sandwich. Castiel couldn't cook that well, Dean was shockingly an amazing cook. "I miss you a lot."

 _"I miss you too Cas baby."_ Castiel could almost feel his lover smiled through the phone. _"How are your bruises?"_

Castiel sighed as he sat his plate down and shifted his phone to the other ear, a phone Dean had given him the week he moved in. "They are fine Dean. I'm fine, don't worry about me, just focus on getting better."

_"I will Cas and when I get home I am going to give you all the love and attention you deserve.  I promise."_

"Haha I'm going to hold you to that." Castiel laughed as he leaned against the counter.

_"Anytime Cas baby. I gotta go the therapist wants me. I'll see you tomorrow night, I love you."_

"I love you too Dean." Castiel smiled as he sat down to his finished lunch. He heard the phone click on the other side. He was glad that Dean was finally coming home. Glad that _his_ Dean was coming home. That smug yet sweet man that he had met and fell for before he had a chance to catch himself. He knew that what Dean had gone through was tough and it sounded like he was beating it. Castiel couldn't help but smile at the thought of seeing Dean tomorrow.

* * *

Castiel woke up to Dean's ridiculously loud doorbell. "You have got to be freaking kidding me." Castiel wobbled down the spiral staircase that took him weeks to get used to. He swung the door open to see Balthazar leaning in the doorway.

"Hey Cassy." Balthazar walked in in examined Cas's face. 

"Balthazar what are you doing?" Cas winced when Balthazar turned his neck to look at his cheek. 

"Looking at your face." Balthazar turned to examine his other cheek. All the bruises were gone, there was a scar on his cheekbone. "You look better since Dean is gone."

" _Dean_ is better too" Castiel pushed his friend's hand away. "I'm fine Balthazar. Come on, I'll make you some coffee. I sure as hell need it." After pouring both him and Balthazar some coffee, they retreated to the den and sat on the couch.

"How are things at the station?" Castiel hadn't been back to the station since Naomi fired him. Balthazar had kindly brought his things to Dean's house, well now his house, from his desk. 

"Hellish to say the least." Balthazar sipped his coffee as he studied his friend. Castiel was wearing a pair of Dean's sleep pants, a t-shirt with Dean's band on it and his hair was sticking out in all directions in the most beautiful way. "Naomi took it out on everybody when you quit and decided to hook up with your assignment."

"I can "hook up" with whoever I damn well please. Dean and I are together now, Naomi has no say in who I'm with. She is, _was_ , my boss and it's none of her damn business." Castiel slammed his cup down with more force than he meant to, coffee sloshed all over the table. 

"Maybe but Cas..." Balthazar sat his own cup down. "I'm your friend and while I have no say in who you date, I do believe I get an opinion." Castiel looked at his friend questioningly before Balthazar continued. "Cas, you need to leave Dean. Dating a rock star with a history of drug abuse who has _beaten_ you is not exactly a healthy relationship."

"God I am so sick of everyone saying that!" Castiel raised his voice, again more than he meant to. "First Dean, then Sam and now you! I don't need everyone to make my decisions for m-" Castiel was cut off by Balthazar forcing his lips against Cas's own. Castiel froze in place, Balthazar's hands were gripping his arms and keeping him in place. Once he pulled back Balthazar studied his friend's face. Castiel was in complete shock, his eyes wide as he tried to process what had just happened.

"Cas look, we've been friends for a long time, I've always wanted to be so much more. I hid my feelings so well because I never wanted to lose you as a friend." Balthazar scooted closer until his face was half an inch from Castiel's "But once I saw you with Dean, the way he's been treating you, I can't let you go on like this. I'm so much better for you Cas. I know you, I know things about you and things you like, I'll treat you like freaking gold."

It took Castiel a moment to find his voice, a short gulp before he answered. "Balthazar I love Dean. I-I can't."

"Castiel please." Balthazar pressed another kiss before Castiel had a chance to react. Castiel bolted back when he heard something heavy drop behind him. He quickly turned to see Dean standing in the doorway, bags at his feet and a mixture of betrayal and confusion on his face.

"Dean I-I didn't...Balthazar he-" Castiel tripped over his words unsure of what to say.

"Cas." Dean's voice was harsh and anger burned in his eyes. "What the hell?"

"Dean I swear, I didn't kiss him. Balthazar kissed me, I just...why are you home already?" Balthazar was sitting on the couch, playing as the audience without a word, waiting for an outcome. 

"I drove all night because I was eager to see you." Dean answered in an almost robotic tone. Castiel was unsure of where to go with the situation, it was so tense he couldn't breathe properly. 

"Dean I'm sorry, I swear this isn't what it looks like." Castiel pleaded and walked forward but Dean just shook his head and raised his hand.  

"I need a minute Cas." Dean retreated upstairs to his bedroom and Castiel collapsed on the couch next to Balthazar.

"I'm sorry mate I didn't mean to-" Balthazar placed a hand on Castiel's back.

"Balthazar please...just leave." Castiel buried his face in his hands, trying to figure out how to defuse the current situation. He didn't look up when he felt the weight of the couch shift, or when he heard the front door to the house close. Dean still didn't come downstairs even fifteen minutes after Balthazar had left. Castiel was afraid to go upstairs, he hadn't done anything wrong but he didn't know how to face Dean either. He cried for several minutes before passing out alone on the couch.


	10. Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a really short chapter and sorry it took so long to put out.

Castiel woke up sore in ways he didn't think possible. His eyes hurt from crying and his back ached from sleeping on the couch. He recalled yesterday's events and his heart began to ache. Stupid Balthazar. Why did he have to ruin everything just when Dean was starting to get better?

Castiel gathered all his courage to head up stairs to face his boyfriend and explain what happened.

"Dean?" Castiel cautiously creaked their bedroom door open. He was met with the sight of Dean's bare back and Dean didn't even turn to look at him. Castiel carefully approached Dean and rounded to face him. Dean was wearing a stone expression but Castiel could tell he had been crying all night. He was almost sure Dean hadn't slept at all.

"Dean..." Castiel tentavly reached out to touch Dean's face but the other man swatted it away.

"What the hell do you want Cas?" Dean growled out, still refusing to look at Castiel. He had never heard such a harshness in Dean's voice and it both worried and scared Castiel.

"Dean listen to me. I can explain." Castiel tried to keep his voice soft to calm Dean.

"Explain what?!" Dean raised his voice and Castiel flinched. "Explain that after I work my ass off to get clean for you, so I can come back and make you happy that you're fucking another guy?!" Dean's voice was booming and Castiel was honestly a bit pissed that Dean wasn't letting him explain.

"I'm not fucking Balthazar!" Castiel balled his hands into fists by his side. "He kissed me. Took me by complete surprise and it just so happened that it was when you walk in the door you fucking pretentious moron of a rock star!"

A dumbstruck look flashed across Dean's face like Cas had just told him the meaning of life or something. "You...aren't fucking him?"

Castiel gave a heavy sigh before leaning down and gently grabbing deans face. "No I'm not. I love you Dean. If I didn't I wouldn't have pushed you to get clean and I wouldn't have stayed." Castiel placed a gentle kiss to Dean's lips. It wasn't much but it was the first he had from Dean in weeks.

"Oh god Cas. I am so sorry." Dean pulled back from this kiss but Castiel chased after Dean's mouth again.

"Forget about it Dean. I haven't seen you in weeks and I've missed you. Now fuck me." Castiel claimed Dean's lips again ands straddled his lap. Dean moaned as Castiel gave hungry nips and licks at his neck.

"Haha what has you so dirty mouthed?" Dean laughed then moaned again when Castiel pushed him on his back and took deans nipple in his mouth. The older man flicked it a few times with his tongue before sucking hard and causing Dean to cry out.

"You do." Castiel smirked at Dean before moving to the other nipple and humming around it. "Fuck, I missed you Dean." Castiel hummed against Dean's chest.

Dean eventually got with the program. The fight forgotten and eager to be inside his beautiful boyfriend that he hadn't seen in weeks. Dean gave an almost pornographic moan as Castiel straddled his hips and sank down on his dick. "Fuck Cas. I had almost forgotten how good you felt." Dean threw his head back as he felt Castiel clench around him and began to rock his hips. Dean was unsure of what to do with his hands until his eyes set on those perfect hips. His hands flew to Castiel's sides, gripping his hips in an effort to make his lover ride faster.

"Dean...Oh...fuck..." Castiel's voice was wrecked. Heavy panting and moaning rattled his throat and dried it out. As he picked up speed his braced his hand on Dean's chest and whispered out his lover's name as he came all over Dean's stomach. A few thrusts later Dean emptied himself into Castiel with a loud groan before his boyfriend collapsed on his chest.

"Fuck." Dean gasped out and Castiel chuckled. Both men ignored the mess between their stomachs.

"Haha agreed." Castiel panted out. "I missed you Dean. A lot."

"I missed you too Cas baby." Dean kissed the top of Castiel's forehead and smiled. Castiel used the last of his strength to pull himself off Dean and collapse back on top of him.

"I must be getting old. I'm tired." Castiel groaned and tried to decide if getting cleaned up was worth getting out of bed.

"Nah you just slept on that uncomfortable couch. Go to sleep. I'm tired too." Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head again. Not two minutes later Castiel heard the light snoring he had missed and let him self drift off. Shower be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: 11/30/15 IM HAVING A SLIGHT PERSONAL HIATUS, I HAVE BEEN WRITING FOR A YEAR STRAIGHT AND AM BURNT OUT. I WILL TRY TO GET BACK SOON.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys! A super big thank you to my beta blackdog9314! Hope you guys like the new chapter :).

"Hey, Cas," Dean addressed his boyfriend as he set a plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes in front of him. "I need to talk to you."

Castiel's breath hitched, but Dean gave him a reassuring touch on the shoulder. "I'm not leaving you or kicking you out, don't worry. After everything I put you through and how you stood by me, I'm not leaving you. You should probably leave me for what I did, but—"

Weeks had passed since Dean came back, fully recovered from his drug use, and the dust had settled about Balthazar. Cas's best friend—well, ex best friend—had refused to talk to him after Cas chose Dean over him. Cas was saddened by this, but hoped Balthazar would come around. Dean wasn't a bad guy, he had just gotten into some bad things.

"Dean, we've been over this. You're better now. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

Dean sighed in defeat, "Fair enough. Anyways, my label's begging me to do a make-up tour since I had to cut the last one short 'cause of what happened with...everything that happened."

A tour? Dean was going away? Castiel wasn't sure if he could handle living alone in this big empty house without Dean.

"I know that look on your face, and you're coming with me on the tour. I'm not abandoning you."

"Dean, are you sure? Won't I be in the way?"

Dean crossed the table, putting his hands on Cas's cheeks and pulling him into a chaste but reassuring kiss. "Babe, you could never be in the way."

The next day, Cas felt reassured and was able to stop worrying for a bit. Thankfully, Sam had offered to take him shopping for some clothes to wear on tour while Dean discussed the details with the head of his record label. 

Cas told Sam he didn't want a bunch of 'rich people clothes'; he wasn't some trophy wife. Still, he admitted, his clothes were ratty and faded and new ones were in order.

He honestly felt like he was mooching off of Dean. He'd gone from active reporter to couch potato. He'd considered getting a job, but if he was going on tours with Dean, a job likely wasn't in the cards at the moment. Dean had said he didn't mind, that they had more than enough money and there was no need. Still, Cas would have to find some way to occupy his time.

After a long day of shopping, the two arrived back at Dean's house and started to put the clothes away.

"So..." Sam started as he unpacked the bags. "Are you and Dean okay?"

"Of course we are," Cas said in a matter-of-fact tone as he examined his new clothes. He didn't like gifts, they made him feel like he had to reciprocate, but he did really like the clothes. Besides, Dean would have a fit if he didn't wear them.

"I mean..." Sam paused again. "A lot of stuff happened. And despite everything that happened, you stayed with him. Do you really love my brother that much?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Cas stated as he shoved the last of the clothes into his dresser.

"Good." Sam gave a small smile and pulled Cas into a slightly awkward hug due to their height difference before releasing him. "I'm glad you're with my brother. You make him happy I just want you to know I worry about you just like I worry about him, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
"Thank you, Sam." Cas smiled.

Suddenly, Cas was spun around and lifted into a hug. "Cas baby!"

Dean had picked his boyfriend up and was grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Geez, Dean," Cas huffed as he was set down. "What are you so happy about?"

"I missed you. Anyways, I talked to Bobby, head of my label by the way, and he says he can squeeze me into a few events across the country. A lot of bands have set tours with other bands, but there are some festivals where it's multiple bands just for the weekend." Dean rambled on about details and such, but Cas didn't hear much because he was too focused on how cute Dean looked when he was excited.

"That's awesome, Dean!" Sam interjected. "I'll tell Gabe as soon as I get home and tell him when we're leaving." 

Sam hugged his brother before rushing out the door and yelling a goodbye to Cas in the process.

"So, babe," Dean turned to his boyfriend and gave him a swift kiss on the nose. "Better get packing.”

"What? Why?"

"You heard me say that the first concert was in New Orleans right?"

"Uh...well..."  
"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Dean frowned.

"Sorry, you're just so cute when you're excited and I was focusing more on your face than your words."

"An acceptable excuse. Anyways, we're going to New Orleans tonight. It's a week before the concert but I figure we need time away and can sight-see and have some us time. Not to mention awesome hotel sex."

"Okay, I'm sold." Cas grinned and pulled Dean into a soft kiss.

They reached the airport about 6pm. After getting their bags checked and boarding the plane, Cas noticed Dean was fidgeting in his seat.

"Dean?" Cas touched his boyfriend's arm and Dean nearly jumped out of his seat. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah. Good. Um yeah, I'm fine."

The pilot announced something over the speakers, but Cas didn't hear it as they took off.

"Fuck," Dean gripped his armrest so hard his knuckles turned white.

Realization suddenly hit Castiel. "Dean...are you afraid of flying?"

"What? No, of course not, why do you think—son of a bitch!" Dean cursed as the plane hit a little early-on turbulence, and a few of the other passengers turned to glare at them. They were seated in the very back corner to try and keep from drawing attention to themselves, but it wasn't working.

"Dean," Cas pried Dean's hand free of the arm rest and intertwined its fingers with his own. "You're fine. I've got you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay?"

"Yeah," Dean breathed out, squeezing Cas's hand once for support. "Thanks Cas baby."

"Anytime." Cas turned Dean's head to face him and placed a soft but reassuring kiss on his lips. He watched Dean visibly relax, and after, the singer rested his head on Cas's shoulder. Dean fell asleep within a couple of minutes, soothed as long as Cas kept holding his hand.

Once they landed and Dean woke up, Dean dragged Cas off the plane and didn't stop running until they were a good ten feet from the gate.  
"God, I hate planes," Dean fell promptly on his ass into one of the nearby chairs in the terminal.

"So I gathered," Cas chuckled. "You seemed okay after a while, though"

Dean smiled and pulled Cas into a soft kiss, not caring who saw them. "Only cause I had you, Cas."

After the horrible chore of finding their luggage and renting a car despite Dean's protest to drive anything except Baby, they drove to their hotel.  
Dean gave the built-in GPS a dirty look every time it gave them directions. After the tenth glare Cas sighed.

"Okay. What is your issue with the GPS?"

"I don't like the thing. New technology gets on my nerves. I had one once and it tried to drive me off a bridge more than four times in one trip. Those things are evil." Dean sneered at the GPS when it spoke over them to tell Cas to turn left.

"You're acting like an old man, Dean, and I'm older than you." Cas feigned irritation but secretly thought Dean pouting over the GPS was cute.  
"Only by five years," Dean stuck his tongue out and Cas laughed.

"You are such a child." Cas stopped at a red light and pulled Dean's face to his and locked their lips together. Dean sighed and pushed his tongue past Cas's teeth as the older man opened up for him. Cas tangled his fingers in Dean's short hair, hand resting on his thigh, inching closer to Dean's crotch when both men nearly jumped out of their skin as a car honked behind them. 

The light had turned green.

Both mean groaned and pulled apart. Dean had wild sex hair and Cas huffed at an annoying hard-on in between his legs.  
"Please tell me we're almost at the hotel," Dean huffed, adjusting the front of his pants and clearly in the same predicament that Cas was.  
"God, I fucking hope so," Cas moaned, trying to press his dick down.

Both men rushed to check in. The woman at the front desk looked like she was on the other side of two hundred years old and took forever.  
Both men tossed their bags by the door and Dean immediately lifted Cas up like a sack of potatoes and threw him on the pristine, white hotel bed.  
"Dean, what are you so eager for?" Cas laughed as Dean yanked Cas's jeans and underwear down in one pull.

"That plane ride got to me more than I let on and I need to relieve some stress, not to mention it's been over a week since we had sex," Dean answered before swallowing Cas down. The older man bucked his hips up in response.

Dean had been busy between setting up the tour, attending band practice and going to meetings three times a week to keep his addiction in check and was often exhausted by the time he got home.

"Fuck, fuck," Cas gripped Dean's hair as his cock hit the back of his boyfriend's throat. "How the hell do you have no gag reflex if you didn't...ah...suck dick before me?"

Dean pulled off. "I never said I didn't," he smirked.

"But you...fuck..." Cas gasped as Dean ran his tongue up his length. "When we met you said you weren't gay."

"I'm not," Dean pulled off Cas completely, shucking his own jeans and smirking. "I'm bi."

"Oh, you son of a bitch," Cas sighed when Dean draped over him and took both their dicks in his hand.

"Don't be like that Cas baby," Dean smiled and placed open-mouthed kisses along Cas's neck before he decided he was tired of both their shirts and ripped them off.

Both men moaned as Dean jerked their dicks together between their bodies before deciding it was too dry.

"Dean," Cas moaned against Dean's mouth. "Get the lube."

Dean groaned but got up anyway to get the lube out of one of the bags. Dean was glad they didn't use condoms, extra crap to pack. After Dean came back from rehab both men got tested and thankfully they came back clean, because they'd forgotten to use a condom all the other times.  
Dean returned with the lube and took a sharp breath at the sight of Cas with one hand on his dick and the other with a precome-soaked finger circling his hole.

"Fuck, babe," Dean crawled onto the bed and coated his own fingers in lube before pushing Cas's away. "What's gotten into you?"

"Don't...ngh...know," Cas began to jerk himself furiously, already so close to coming. "I guess it's 'cause we haven't had sex in a while."

"Oh Cas, baby, I'm sorry," Dean kissed the inner part of Cas's thigh as he slipped a finger in. "Didn't mean to neglect you."

"It's okay, Dean. Just fuck me." Cas took his hand off his dick. He didn't want to come yet.

Dean nodded and quickly prepped Cas before the older man begged him to press inside. Dean lubed up his dick and sighed when he pushed in and watched Cas surround him. "Fuck, I'd almost forgotten how good you feel."

Cas only moaned in response, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck as the other man pounded into him hard and fast. Cas arched his back off the bed to take Dean deeper and whimpered when his prostate was hit with every other thrust. "Fuck. Dean, bite me."

Dean stopped almost completely, only giving shallow thrusts to keep himself hard. "Oh, and what suddenly makes you so kinky?"

"We've only been dating a few months. You don't know everything about me, Dean," Cas tried to look smug, but instead clenched around Dean's dick to try and get him to speed back up. "I'll tell you all my fun little kinks later. Now fuck me and bite me, dammit."

Dean chuckled before going back to pounding Cas so hard that the headboard started to bang against the wall. Dean leaned down and panted into Cas's ear before swooping down and biting hard into the other man's neck.

Cas howled as he came between them, clenching down vice-tight on Dean and causing the musician to come right after him.  
Dean released Cas's neck. A small hickey was already forming there, bordered by a deep bite mark.

"Jesus Christ," Dean collapsed on his boyfriend, earning him an irritated groan.

"Dean, I love you and I enjoy being close to you, but you're crushing my ribcage," Castiel gasped out.

"Oh, fuck. Sorry," Dean pulled out and rolled off of Cas, still trying to catch his breath.

After Cas had gathered his senses he turned to see Dean, passed out next to him. "Assbutt." Cas poked Dean's stubbled cheek. "You just fuck me, then pass out?"

Dean answered without opening his eyes. "Jet lag. Plane. Sleepy. Come here," Dean stretched out his arms with his eyes still closed. Castiel sighed as he nuzzled Dean's chest, feeling secure with his lover's arms around him.

"So, what are we doing tomorrow?" Cas looked up at Dean, whose eyes were still closed.

"Stuff. Now sleep," Dean grumbled and kissed the top of Cas's shaggy head before finally passing out, with Cas following soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be fun and sex and sight seeing next chapter. And possibly someone from dean's past, hope to have it up before too long!


End file.
